Formula 1 Insight

Garcia in Barcelona

Not many know this but I have an agent in Spain who sends me occasional reports on the F1 scene. I don't often post them because Garcia (as he prefers to be known) is a little too fond of the sangria and he rarely makes much sense as a result. His latest offering is so strange, however, that I thought I must let the readers make up their own minds about it.

Max and Bernie
Max and Bernie

Understand, I take no responsibility for this and I am not saying there's a word of truth in it - I know Garcia only too well. For what it is worth, however, here is his Report From Barcelona:

Hey boss, you sure missed a great shindig here in sunny Espana! After the Grand Prix, all the guys got together in a little bar down near the docks and the place was jumping, I tell you. Everyone was there, all the Ferrari guys, even Luca, and the other teams as well. Only the McLaren boys were missing. What really set the place alight was when Max and Bernie walked in - you should have seen it.

Old Luca, he's been talking away in Italiano to his guys and, when he sees Max, he really gets mad. His face was red and sweating and he leaps on the table and starts singing. It was Maggie's Farm, only he changed the words a bit so it went like this:

I ain't gonna work on Maxxie's farm no more.
No, I ain't gonna work on Maxxie's farm no more.
Well, I wake in the morning,
Fold my hands and pray for rain.
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin' me insane.
It's a shame the way he makes me scrub the floor.
I ain't gonna work on Maxxie's farm no more.

I ain't gonna work for Maxxie's Bernie no more.
No, I ain't gonna work for Maxxie's Bernie no more.
Well, he hands you a nickel,
He hands you a dime,
He asks you with a grin
If you're havin' a good time,
Then he fines you every time you slam the door.
I ain't gonna work for Maxxie's Bernie no more.

Well, Boss, that really cuts things loose. Max puffed out his chest and started shouting. After a bit we realized it was supposed to be singing, Push by Matchbox 20, I think, and I managed to write some of it down:

I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's
Gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well

This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good

I wanna push you around, I will, I will
I wanna push you down, I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted
I will

Not to be outdone, Bernie pipes up then and starts singing too. Now, you know Bernie - he only remembers about three songs and so it was no surprise that it turned out to be Taxman. It's from his heyday, of course, but I had this amazing revelation suddenly of where Bernie gets his hairstyle. Anyway, I thought you might like to read some of the words:

Let me tell you
How it will be.
There's one for you,
Nineteen for me,

'Cause I'm the taxman.
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

You can imagine how that got the party going. A huge brawl broke out, mostly among the mechanics, and all the team managers got together and started yelling above the racket. They were singing too and I found out afterwards it was a song called Had Enough by some bunch called Breaking Benjamin. There was so much noise that I had problems hearing the words but I think the following is the gist:

Milk it for all it's worth.
Make sure you get there first.
The apple of your eye.
The rotten core inside.
We are all prisoners.
Things couldn't get much worse.
I've had it up to here, you know your end is near.

You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

You won't believe it but, all this time, that Red Bull guy, Mateschitz, and Ross Brawn were sat at the next table from mine and having a really heated argument. I couldn't hear much but, after the cops came and took away the brawlers, old Dietrich starts singing to Ross, really from the heart and all bluesy. You'd have recognized it, Boss - that Muddy Waters thing called Got My Mojo Workin'. Hardly need to tell you, but here's a brief exerpt from the words:

Got my mojo working, but it just won't work on you
Got my mojo working, but it just won't work on you
I wanna love you so bad till I don't know what to do

Brawny Ross, he waits politely until Mateschitz is finished and then he gets up and starts a song too. It wasn't long before Dietrich joined in and that was the last thing I remember, the bar almost empty and these two singing away at each other while I slipped under the table. What were they singing? Haven't a clue what it's called but I managed to scrawl down some of the lyrics:

Anything you can do, I can do better
I can do anything better than you
No you can't, Yes I can, No you can't, Yes I can
No you can't, Yes I can, yes I can.

What a night, Boss.


You get far more interesting emails than I do! :)
Date Added: 14/05/2009

Steven Roy
This Garcia sounds like an interesting character. I can't wait to read his next post. I assume he is taking a little trip along the coast to Monaco next week
Date Added: 14/05/2009

Be grateful, Ollie - most of the time I dare not publish the stuff Garcia sends me!
Date Added: 14/05/2009

Steven: Oh yes, Garcia gets around - and his expense accounts make interesting reading too. Whether or not I'll get anything worth publishing is a different story, however. Monaco is a case in point, now you mention it. That place is so expensive, I had to put a budget cap on Garcia's bar account last year. You can imagine the fun I had trying to police it. I mean, would you believe $253.76 on paper napkins?
Date Added: 14/05/2009

Pink Peril
Au contraire Clive, I think Garcia should be encouraged ! That was hilarious. Funny thing is, I can just see it all happening too...
Date Added: 15/05/2009

I'll see what I can do, Peril, but you have no idea of the editing task Garcia sets me. Most of his articles consist of rambling arguments with himself over the varying merits of terrible little dives in the back streets of Valencia and Singapore and the quantity of luridly coloured variants of alcoholic mixtures spilled all over them make them extremely difficult to read. But my readers demand it - Garcia will have his day regardless.
Date Added: 15/05/2009

I'll buy Garcia the next crate of Sangria if he starts his own blog! Unedited. It reminds me of the articles that used to turn up in F1 News (or was it Fun F1?) years ago.
Date Added: 17/05/2009

At the rate the politics is going in F1, Garcia may be the only one writing about it next year! I have to hope that everything gets sorted out before then and that the quality of the racing in the future is not affected. Your suggestion will be passed along to Garcia (with bribe still attached) but I doubt that he would be interested in setting up his own blog. He is not very tech savvy, preferring to leave that to the hacks like myself, and just enjoys telling his stories to any editor fool enough to listen.
Date Added: 17/05/2009

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