Formula 1 Insight

A Song for Bernie

As I have said before, there is little to be gained from listening to the utterances of Bernie Ecclestone since it can be demonstrated that he lies whenever it suits him. He is, however, like a road accident - hard to tear one's eyes away from as one drives by. And so I could not resist reading his latest ridiculous statements as reported by F1 Fanatic.

Bernie Ecclestone
Bernie Ecclestone

I will not be dissecting this particular outburst, however; apart from anything else, Bernie ventures so far from reality that it would be like shooting fish in a barrel to pick his assertions apart. Since this departure from reality does remind me of Bernie's inference that Sir Jackie Stewart is going senile, I found myself reflecting on how much further into his own little world Bernie can retreat before his removal from office becomes essential.

That led me on to the realization that there is already a very fitting response to the pontifications of Bernie. In April last year, I suggested a theme tune for Max Mosley at the height of the S&M scandal - Madness' song, Embarrassment; in the same tongue-in-cheek spirit, here's a song for Bernie: Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here.

Wish You Were(n't) Here (with a few minor and obvious alterations)
Pink Floyd

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

For the last verse, I found it necessary to change a few words slightly to make the meaning clear and to include our old friend, Max. I figure it will be okay - I've just renewed my artistic license...

How I wish, how I wish you weren't here.
You're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found
The same old fears.
Wish you weren't here.

There is an old saying that Bernie might do well to take heed of: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.


Steven Roy
Nice to see you back on good form. Nice to know the Polish food didn't win in the end. A bit like Kubica really.
Date Added: 22/01/2009

Thank you, Steven. At my age eating becomes a matter of establishing the boundaries of good sense - a pity that Bernie has not bothered to do the same with his perception of his own importance to F1...
Date Added: 22/01/2009

Nick Goodspeed
Personally I'd vote for a medley of Otis Redding's Mr.Pitiful combined with Randy Newman's Short People as Ecclestone's theme song. (No offence meant to anyone of any stature)

Short Bernie got no reason
Short Bernie got no reason
Short Bernie got no reason
To live

He got little hands
And little eyes
And He walk around
Tellin' great big lies
He got little nose
And tiny little teeth
He wears platform shoes
On his nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short Bernie
Don't want no Short Bernie
Don't want no Short Bernie
Round here

Short Bernie got nobody
Short Bernie got nobody
Short Bernie got nobody
To love

He got little baby legs
And He stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
He got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
He got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
He got grubby little fingers
And a thieving, crooked mind
He's gonna get you every time

Well, I don't want no Short Bernie
Don't want no Short Bernie
Don't want no Short Bernie
'Round here

Date Added: 23/01/2009

Wonderful use of verse. I wonder though... The same dear old Pink Floyd provide another song that could be as apt..

Brain Damage:

The lunatic is on the grass
The lunatic is on the grass
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs
Got to keep the loonies on the path
The lunatic is in the hall
The lunatics are in my hall
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

Date Added: 26/01/2009

The lunatics are running the asylum indeed - good luck, F1...
Date Added: 27/01/2009

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