Introversion <em>and</em> How To Win Friends...

Introversion

My wife, Kathy, and I were talking the other day about my favorite subject: me. She spends a lot of time on the excellent endeavor of trying to fathom the conundrum that is me and I find her conclusions very interesting, not only because she is usually right, but also because she gives me fresh fuel for my own researches on the subject.

Our conversation centered around Kathy's recent discoveries about my introversion, a well known aspect of my personality, so much studied, in fact, that a complete section of the archives is devoted to it. But recently Kathy has made important advances in this area, chancing upon revelations that shed light on other, more obscure and less frequently documented, disciplines in the science of me. My tendency towards obsessions, for instance, a subject that we had thought thoroughly investigated and neatly tied up with a great big ribbon and seal, was revealed to be misunderstood and we had to awaken the obsession staff and put them back to work.

It is well that Kathy has revitalized the study of my introversion for I think we may have lost sight of the fact that it is, perhaps, the whole reason for being of the Institute for the Scientific Study and Advancement in the Understanding of Me. The Institute has been in existence for so long that I cannot remember laying the first bricks in its foundation. But I am certain that those first elements in its construction were all labeled with the word "introversion". Without them, no Institute would have been possible or even necessary.

How free are the extroverts, how unburdened with the onerous labor of investigation and inspection, observation and categorization, theorizing and experiment. Many are the times when I have watched these happy folk as they cavort in bountiful outpouring of their selves to an adoring world; how unconscious they remain of the generous spirit that prompts such largess. Yes, I have watched and often envied, for the introvert's task is grim and gloomy in comparison.

And danger lurks in the dim corridors of the institutes of learning that we introverts construct. Let us not forget that the psychiatrists warn that nothing but ill can come of holding things to ourselves, that mental health resides in the open fields of self expression. It may even be true that total self absorption is the essence of insanity; consider the psychopath, who cares for no-one's good but his own. Yet to offer extroversion as medicine to the introvert is like saying to a man dying of thirst in the desert, "What you need is a nice, cool drink of water." He knows the remedy but it is not available to him.

So the introvert walks a tightrope of sorts, unable to shut down the internal institute of self study, but holding on to the external world as a safety net of sanity. All good introverts soon find that a useful tactic in this is to surround oneself with the company of extroverts. With extroverts as friends, no introvert can long remain miserable; there is even the chance that the introvert might be encouraged to little experiments in extroversion, unnoticed moments when the self peeks through with an unguarded word or a spontaneous act. It is no accident that so many of my friends are extroverts, unconscious though they may be of the service they do me.

Another important constituent to this strategy of retaining sanity yet remaining an introvert is humor. All sound institutes for the study of self will be found to contain a Department of Humor. And within this department, we find the various disciplines of Irony, Self Mockery, Satire, Plain Honesty and Not Taking Oneself Seriously. These are the weapons with which to ward off the demons of Self Aggrandizement and Paranoia.

Do not misunderstand me: I am not complaining about the difficulties of being an introvert; like all introverts, I enjoy being one and wouldn't have it any other way. I may look at extroverts and occasionally envy them, but I cannot say that I find their way of life appealing. That carefree openness and unconsciousness of self may be enjoyable and entertaining in others but, for me, it would be totally alien, an unimaginable state of being.

Introversion has its advantages, you see. In coming to a greater understanding of me, I learn things that can be applied to everyone. Inspecting my own processes of motivation and thinking leads me to understand better how these things work within all of us; and this, perhaps, makes it easier for me to forgive. The science of self can lead, ultimately, to the knowledge of man, for we all share in our common humanity.

And, anyway, it's not as if I could change...

How to Win Friends...

Darren Rowse of ProBlogger has posted an article entitled Converting One off Visitors to your Blog into Regular Readers. It's so good that I wanted to yell at him to stop giving all my secrets away. But then I remembered what he'd been saying about being generous with one's knowledge and much more will be returned (a good Christian principle - funny how the Truth works even on the net). So I thought I'd go one better and add a few items to his list.

I already use most of Darren's suggestions, these having developed quite naturally as the blog grew. But think about these as well:

Pay A Visit

Always visit the blog of any new commenter; comment if at all possible. Even if you can't comment, show in your reply to the original comment that you have visited by a reference to the commenter's site. And be prepared to become involved in discussions on their site too. It's not fair that they should always be expected to trudge over to your place if they want conversation.

Give An Unexpected Answer

In replying to a first-time comment, think about what has been said and give a reply that shows you care what the commenter thinks. Be unconventional in your thinking; don't just go for the obvious answer. It's called "injecting your personality" (oh great, say that after you've just posted about being an introvert...) - and personality is what attracts humans to each other.

Discuss But Don't Argue

A soft answer turns away wrath - even when a new commenter is obviously spoiling for a fight, find the common ground (there's always some) and answer politely and reasonably. It's rare that a belligerent commenter will keep coming back to a barrage of politeness; and sometimes they settle down and become regulars. If a fight between two commenters develops, step in and try to cool things down. A brawl in your comments section might gain you a few extra readers for a while but they'll be gone as soon as things calm down again.

Don't Follow Formulas

Whatever happens, use those techniques that come naturally to you and forget the rest. If you make a copy of Darren's list and slavishly follow it, even though some of it goes against the grain, people will know you're following a formula. I don't know how we do it but we can recognize insincerity a mile off (thousands of miles - this is the net, isn't it?). Always be yourself and you'll find that your personality will attract people that you can interact with.

Don't Follow Trends

Don't write about something purely because it's the hot topic of the moment. That's a recipe for hits, not regulars. Write about what you know, care about and are interested in. As time goes on, visitors will know the kind of thing you're likely to write about and, if they share your interests, they'll return. If they have only visited because you posted about something that's hot, they'll leave as soon as you move on to other things. I write about some of the weirdest things imaginable but my visitors keep coming back (it comes of being weird - what else can I do?). And I almost make it a policy not to be topical (just occasionally I might do one of those to keep 'em guessing).

But make sure you read ProBlogger - it's brilliant stuff.