A Stray Fort or Two

They've got this gecko on the telly over ere an the fing wot I don't unnerstan is e's got a Lunnun accent, see, so e torks like this. Nah, not yer bleedin Cockney apples an pears ow's yer muvver Dick Van Dyke fing but more like yer genral rest of Lunnun speak. An wot I wanna know is ow e gets over ere an wot the eck the yanks fink of im. I mean, can they unnerstan a word e says, ey? It's nice for me, sorta brings back memories an orl, but wot were the advertising geezers finkin of when they give im that accent? Fing is, it's the real fing, they musta got some Lunnuner to do the voice, it ain't like that Outback Steakhouse one where the feller's tryin so ard to sound like an Ozzie it's larfable. The gecko's spot on. Maybe they ad some geezer workin' for them, like the sound man or the lightin git, an e was from Lunnun an that's wot give them the idea, I dunno.

An wot's e torkin abaht? Car insurance, that's wot. Ere's me in the backside of Oklahoma and this gecko wiv a Lunnun accent's tryin to sell me car insurance. An it must be me e's torkin to cos I'm the only bleeder in a million miles oo can unnerstan wot e's torkin abaht. It's like you decided to go live in the jungles of Borneo an then you bump into that Alexei Sayle git an e's singin Ello, John, got a noo motor? Just makes me fink, that's orl.

I mean, I can unnerstan why they use a Brit accent to sell fings over ere but there's accents and accents, innit? Take that geezer with is cyclone vacuum cleaner f'rinstance; e comes on an e's tellin them orl about is clever system wot sucks better than any uvver an it's all in this hoity toity posh Queen's Inglish that'll tell em voice, an it's no wonder it sells oovers, the yanks luv that kind of fing. But Lunnun? That friggin gecko's straight outa Eastenders I tell yer.

Oh, an there's this one ad for air cleaners an they say "approved by the British Allergy Association" as if it's some sorta big deal an orl. Fing is, oo's ever eard of the British Allergy Association? But the yanks luv it, they fink it really means somefink.

An that's anuvver fing: 'ow come in the movies the Brit's orlways the bad guy but e's worth listenin to if e makes an ad? It don't make no sense. If the geezer's a villain, oo wants to know wot e finks of car insurance or oovers? E's a villain, right? So e's only gonna sell you a bleedin lemon. Wouldn't be no point uvverwise.

But it's orlright to be Scottish or Irish. There's that Connery git an is "My name'sh Bond, Jamesh Bond" an Mel friggin Gibson wiv is Scottish accent froo an Ozzie filtah an they're fine, they're the good guys. But the poor bluddy Inglish, they orlways come over sinister like. Wot's that orl abaht then? Ow come we're okay to make telly ads but the minit we get in the movies we come over orl bad an orl? Racism, mate, that's what it is, racism.

But still, that bleedin gecko cracks me up. Musta taken a wrong turn at the Ammersmiff Bridge and wahnd up in America. An ow many geckos did you see the last time you were in Wappin or Tootin Beck? Not exackly crawlin orl over the place, are they? The only friggin gecko born in Lunnun an the yanks get im, I dunno...

Technorati tags: Gecko; London accents.