I have this terrible admission to make. And, seeing that the F1 world has gone dead on the news front, it is as good a time to confess as any. My problem, you see, is a gnawing doubt about Kimi.
Kimi Raikkonen
Well, it is not really a doubt - more of an uneasy feeling deep down that we are all missing something. I have been through the usual path of Raikkonen fans, cheering him through his days at McLaren, distraught at every car failure that robbed him of wins, certain that he was the fastest driver in F1. Yet always there was this nagging misgiving at the back of my mind.
Why does he throw it off the road so needlessly sometimes? Why has he not blown Massa into the weeds yet? Why does he look so determined at one race and then apathetic at the next? It is all very well blaming it on his enigmatic personality but that explains nothing. The fact is that he is completely unpredictable and it is probably this that makes me doubt him.
The thing with Kimi is that we'll forgive him anything. At McLaren we invariably blamed the car and, when he moved to Ferrari, it was the tires or the set up, anything to explain Massa's early season ascendancy. We do not give most drivers such leeway; Hamilton has a couple of bad races and immediately we're talking of the balloon bursting, Sutil has a run of bad luck and the hype of last year is immediately forgotten. Not so with Kimi - there has to be a good reason for his failures and we will tie ourselves in knots looking for it.
I suppose we have invested too much hope in the guy over the years to abandon him just like that. And that makes it easy to forget his mistakes in Melbourne and remember only the dominant win in Malaysia. But the next time he heads for the scenery, apparently through inattention, can you honestly tell me that no doubt creeps insidiously into your mind?
The really awful thing is that I have begun to wonder about that fastest driver title too. If he were, surely he would have dealt with Massa by now? And he hasn't, you know, in spite of his championship; we all know that Felipe gave him that one in Brazil. Must we admit that Massa is on a par with our hero?
If that is the case, Kimi's cover is blown. Massa may be quick on his day and he may have stayed reasonably close to Schumacher, but a genuine member of the elite he is not. And, if that is so...
You see where my doubts are coming from? Kimi really does not live up to our expectations and I grow weary of looking for excuses. I never had to do this kind of thing for Alonso - he made it clear that he was fiendishly quick and never faltered until teamed with Hamilton. Even then, he did not lie down and take it. We may not have liked his reaction to being challenged but he was prepared to fight the world, such is his belief in himself.
That is the stuff that champions are made of. We may laugh with Fisichella at the rough justice of Alonso's awful Renault this year, but the truth is that Fernando is doing wonders with a complete dog. Equally, we may turn against Hamilton after a couple of failures but the likelihood is that he will bounce back. As Nick Heidfeld said recently, he has raced them all before and beaten them.
I am not saying that Kimi won't be champion again this year - he has the fastest car at the moment and, if it stays that way, he has only Massa to beat. But can you honestly say that Raikkonen is bound to win that battle? Judging from last year, it could be a very close-run thing indeed.
Fortunately, I do not have to worry about all this too much. By moving To Ferrari, Kimi automatically lost my support and now I am free to back someone both quick and consistent, someone with the guts and determination to fight through adversity (and deal with a highly-rated rookie team mate at the same time).
But Ferrari fans should be a whole lot more worried than they have been for years.