American Idols (4) 28/01/2005 (to see previous American Idol awards, click here)Numero Quattro: Soaring Sign PostsThe poor foreigner thinks that he knows about American sign posts. He has seen the famous golden arches that indicate his local McDonald's diner and imagines that this is the real thing. Well, he better not believe it. Those golden arches are an imposter, a mere imitation of how it's really done.At some time in the distant past Americans forgot the purpose of legs and bought wheels instead. This is a nation that moves on wheels, wheels of cars, trucks, pick-ups, vans, semis (what we call articulated lorries in Britain), SUVs (sports utility vehicles - the dreaded four-wheel drive monsters) and MPVs (multi-purpose vehicles). And to serve this horde of vehicles, the drive-in was invented. There are drive-in restaurants, drive-in banks, drive-in tobacconists and drive-in liquor stores. You name it, you can probably drive into it somewhere.As an aside, the originator of this culture of driving in, the drive-in theater (or cinema as we would call it) is dying out and an uncommon sight these days. I do not know the reason for this threatened extinction but, in some ways, it is a pity. The drive-in cinema had a role to play in my teenage years (we had them in Africa) and there is a certain nostalgia in contemplating those serried ranks of car parking spaces, all facing a giant screen, with their individual posts holding the speakers that you attached to the side window of your car (and the inevitable posts with dangling wires amputated by a forgetful motorist departing without first removing the speaker). Civilization moves on and forgets the bold icons of its youth.But to return to my point: this proliferation of the drive-in everything has meant that businesses have had to compete for the attention of the passing motorist. And the most effective way of doing this is to put up a sign where the traffic can see it.That is fine in theory, of course. But when every store, outlet and diner has put out their sign, the effect is actually counter-productive; it becomes a confusing mass of signs, all competing for attention, all shouting with the same voice, getting in the way of each other, and only becoming a gaudy display without meaning to the driver flashing past.The first solution to this problem was the distinctive logo. Recognizing that motorists had no time to read more than a word or two in their passing, businesses began to design simple and easily-recognized emblems that would say all that was necessary about the delights they offered. The logo was used everywhere, in advertising, signs, literature, anywhere that could be stamped with mark of approval. Even the buildings were made to conform to the standard design and colors. The company style and logo became all that was needed for the potential customer to know immediately what was on offer. Here was the start of the most famous of brand logos, the golden arches, the ice cream cone of Brauns, the green and yellow of Subway.Of course, the usual problem then raised its ugly head. Once everyone had climbed on the band wagon, the customer was presented with a mass of colors and designs that merged into a kaleidoscope of confusion. How to rise above the rest, to shout loudest, to be the one noticed in the crowd?Oh, to have been at that meeting where some bright spark first had the light dawn upon his feverish imagination. I can see it now:"How's about if we stick it on a pole?""A pole?""Yes, a pole. But not any old pole. Let's put it on a pole so high, it'll stick out way above the rest."Silence in the meeting for a few moments as the towering idea begins to infiltrate the minds of the perplexed."You know, I think he may have something there."The first drops of the coming torrent of inspiration begin to flow. There is another pause as understanding begins to inhabit the slower minds. Our hero, the inspired genius, warms to the unfolding vision."In fact, let's stick it on a pole so high, nobody will top it! We'll get so damn high, they'll see it for miles!"The dam breaks. The flood begins. In an explosion of enthusiasm and new conversion to the astounding revelation, the meeting breaks out into a celebration of joy and wonderment.Or so it should have been.As other companies followed and reached for the sky, something else was discovered. Yes, the concerns with the most money could afford the tallest poles. But it didn't matter. Now that the third dimension had been invented, there was order brought to the horde of enticements. As layer upon layer of signs were added, it became apparent that it mattered not how far you were from the uttermost peak; as long as you chose a height at which your sign was visible, you were in there with a shouting chance.And so the look of an American town was altered forever. Streets became a vista of logo upon logo, sign upon sign, all at different heights, all creating a three-dimensional cornucopia for the eye. The public responded with true recognition of the bold achievement. They learned the logos, understood the stratified environment and became able to pick out the required establishment from huge distances.To me, your humble immigrant, it is still a confusion of shape and color, so difficult to sift and sort into recognizable patterns. But I am getting better. Just on occasion, when we are cruising in search of a diner or an ATM (Automatic Teller Machine, I learned, although it still looks like "a hole in the wall" to me), I will see it first and Kathy, chiming in microseconds later, will own herself bested.And so I salute the invention that has come to be the look of America. Oh, lofty spire, so cunningly be-topped with your familiar statement, your brave summation of meaning, I honor your attainment so towering, so lifted above the mere humdrum. In your teeming multitude you stand supreme, an essential part of what is now America.A symbol of pride and accomplishment, let it have its moment upon the podium. Stand and salute with me, friends, the soaring sign post that is an American icon.
Clive
josh On one of my trips from DC to Dallas, I counted 137 Waffle House signs. I was not awake the whole journey either. Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away Isn't it wonderful? How noble and prolific are these signs, so able to grow in the poorest soil, so determined to decorate our highways and grace the landscapes! Date Added: 28/01/2005
Way Funny you mentioned drive-in speaker amputations...that was my 'introduction' to the idea of stereo components. Too bad you arrrived after the demise of Burma Shave signs. And I am betting there is still a barn or two around that still screams faintly, "See Rock City" from their weathered rooftops. This is America, so I do feel free to yell, "Them damn Poles!" Tre bon, numero quatro! Date Added: 28/01/2005
Harry Shaving brushes You'll soon see 'em On a shelf In some museum Burma-Shave Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away I never thought of that - free stereo components! And I could have used them in those days... ;) Haven't noticed the Rock City barns yet but I'll keep my eyes open for them. And didn't I tell you my real name Kowalski? Hehehe... Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away .oO(Good grief, Harry's poetry is spilling out into other blogs now...) Date Added: 28/01/2005
Way Oh, I copped that from some site, Gone, after Ali wailed, "He won't get the Burma Shave bit". BS, I thought. :D Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away Oh, we've heard rumors of Burma Shave, Way. Never quite understood 'em until today, however... ;) Date Added: 28/01/2005
Mad I on the other hand know all about Burma shave signs and their history thanks to Mr Bryson Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away One of the things I'm learning through these American Idol blogs is that I've missed a lot of the things that are iconic in any American childhood and growing up. People keep referring to things from the past and are surprised when they mean nothing to me. Television programs are a common example; Kathy mentions some program that was influential in everyone's history and I get a blank look on my face (It's Howdy Doody Time! What the heck was that all about?). In other countries we had a "filtered" form of American culture - bits and pieces came through to us, but (I realize now) we were never given the full picture. Who made those decisions, I wonder. Who was it that said, "Yes, we'll have that. But no, this other thing will never go down"? I feel cheated. Why wasn't I allowed a choice? And is there any chance of getting my money back? Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away Actually, I think that's where I heard about Burma Shave for the first time, too. Can't remember a thing except the name though. Thanks, Mad. And here's to Bill Bryson! Date Added: 28/01/2005
Ned As I drove down the main street of my little town today, I took note of the succession of signs. The House of Pizza sits next door to J's Famous Beef & Seafood, followed by McDonalds and finally Dunkin Donuts. How fitting that the last sign on the street was the lighted and flashing Walgreens sign, advertising Zantac 75 on sale to sooth your acid reflux. And the best part is, they have a drive-thru pharmacy. Date Added: 28/01/2005
Way So yer from England, eh? I met a Limey once...name was Bob something-or-other...perhaps you know him? He was about this tall... Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away .oO(I wonder if there's scope for someone doing a sorta "Vanished American Icons" series. I could learn a lot from that. Must have a word with Mr Way...) Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away I guess it's almost inevitable that Ned should live in such a carefully planned town. Somehow I don't see her standing for anything less... ;) Date Added: 28/01/2005
Gone Away You laugh, Way? When I first returned to England, way back in 1976, people would hear that I'd come from Africa and they'd give me just that story. "Wouldn't happen to know a feller named Jim, would ya? Can't remember his surname, quite a character he was. Went off to Africa in '53 I think it was..." I'd do a bit of quizzing and eventually establish that this Jim geezer had gone to Kenya. You can imagine the look of bewilderment on the guy's face when I told him Kenya was only 2,000 miles from Zimbabwe... Date Added: 28/01/2005
Your Friendly Neighborhood Travel Agent http://route66clicks.com/8states.html Pretty much the heart of Americana. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away Interesting link (awful design). Now answer me this, oh esteemed Travel Agent (fear not - your identity is safe with me): The fame of Route 66 seems to me to have come from the song. Was there any prior reason for such fame that caused the song to be written? Date Added: 29/01/2005
keeef Is there a route 69? im sure that would be more fun....oh the joys of a purile mind.....In Oz we have signs at Mcdonalds that tell you how far away the next Mcdonalds is.....just in case you run out of fat and failed to pack your pickled pork rinds i guess. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Hannah What is far worse than the signs for the establishments themselves is the billboards. I find them a serious blight, but then-- I tend to choose my businesses by what's reachable from a bike rather than what's posted on a sign. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away Ummm Keef, that's "puerile". ;) And good to see the Ozzies are thinking ahead... Pig out NOW! One hundred miles to the next McDonalds! Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away Now, Hannah, you know billboards are necessary. What would the Highway Patrol hide behind without them? Date Added: 29/01/2005
Way 66 the song, or 66 the 60's TV show, Gone? (see how easy it becomes to "get thouroughly Americanized"?) My guess, in any case, would be pure nostalgic. But now I'm stressed, having to accept that the quaint names of McThrows or McHurls are merely Oz fictions. Drat. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Way (I may be about to vanish meself, Gone) :p Date Added: 29/01/2005
Way And Hannah...next time you pass a bush...in the dark...on the bike...think werewolf. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away There was a TV show? See how they kept things from us... But when did Chuck Berry pen the song? Methinks it must have been in the late fifties, surely. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Way Bandleader Bobby Troupe wrote "Get Your Kicks On Route 66," in 1946. Originally named U.S. Highway 66, and dubbed “America’s Main Street” by an advertising copywriter before the road was born in 1926. Route 66 was nicknamed "the Mother Road" by John Steinbeck. Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away Gee, and I always thought that Chuck Berry wrote it. He wrote just about everything else, didn't he? So it has been a famous road for much longer than the song. I suppose that was because it went all the way from Chicago to Los Angeles... Date Added: 29/01/2005
keeef In addition to the great and famous work by such a forward thinking musician as Bobby Troupe, 66 was also immortalised by the English with the infamous phrase 'clickety clicks, Sixty Six' in the bingo halls, where many ageing women still smile with glee and increase the smell of urine and lavender when they hear the phrase. Now at first glance this may appear to hold little or no relevance to the rest of the thread, and i for one would have to agree. However, if one were inclined to spend some time, energy and no small ammount of alcohol pondering the matter, I'm convinced a very tangible, witty and important link could be found.................Do cops really hide behind billboards? or are the Billboards hiding behind the cops?....if you ask me thats far more sinister Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away I must apologize for Keef, dear friends. He is an unusual lad, having spent most of his mis-spent youth in bingo halls and pensioners' clubs. The effect of this upon his mind is the subject of many a learned treatise by the anthropologists. None of these has yet come to a satisfactory conclusion but all note with monotonous regularity the observation that the number 66 has a detrimental effect upon the subject. When hearing this number, he will stand up and begin to recite long passages from the drone of a bingo caller. We are hoping that a cure is not too far off. Date Added: 29/01/2005
keeef two fat ladies 88 Date Added: 29/01/2005
Gone Away See what I mean? Date Added: 29/01/2005
keeef I just found this news item and thought it would be of interest. It truly is very odd and coming from Ghana its african related so kind of fits i guess. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4215923.stm anyway hope you enjoy it....mines the bottle Date Added: 30/01/2005
Gone Away I'll take the car! Date Added: 30/01/2005
Hannah Why do you get so many comments? I count myself lucky to get 5. It's no fair! (insert whine here) Date Added: 30/01/2005
Gone Away An excellent question, Hannah; and the answer is that I do not really know. Ned has pointed out that the majority of comments come in response to those posts that leave room for comment i.e. where what is expressed is opinion only. The posts that deal with recalled memories leave little for commenters to say, since who would argue with another's experience? So this would indicate that, if it's comments one aspires to, a good strategem would be to concentrate on opinion rather than fact. It is also the editorial policy here at Gone Away to strive to answer every comment received (a matter of courtesy, I think). Apart from the effect of encouraging further comment, on occasion sparking little debates, this has the effect of doubling the number of comments. Note that very often the comments section will depart from the original subject to investigate other incidental matters. One could say that the original post receives far fewer comments on its actual content than appears at first viewing. So be of good cheer, dear Hannah. There are ways and means of encouraging comment. And it's not just about comments anyway. Content and quality are the things we strive for most, I think. Date Added: 30/01/2005
Mad I want the chicken... Date Added: 30/01/2005
Gone Away Have to hurry, folks, if you want that coffin of your dreams! Date Added: 30/01/2005
keeef any takers for that polished Uterus?....now theres somthing i thought id never have to say again after they plucked me and most of bert from the deserted island after we crashed in that 747. Date Added: 30/01/2005
Gone Away So that's what it is... Date Added: 30/01/2005
keeef yup, can you imagine that being carried by pallbearers?........i can just hear the kids now 'mummy whats that?'....I guess it would break the ice at the funeral though Date Added: 31/01/2005
Gone Away Gives a whole new meaning to "from the womb to the tomb", huh? Now we can have "from the womb to the womb"... Date Added: 31/01/2005
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