A Forgotten Tale 25/03/2007 Occasionally, I read back through these posts in search of ideas for the present and I always include the comments section in that reading. There are gems in there that can spark new thoughts and remind one of matters overlooked in the busy-ness of life. And that is how I came across a comment of mine that I do not even remember writing.It is a story made to play upon the assumed name of a good friend, the same Way who comments on these posts. With that in mind, I have no option but to name it:The Way of the DesertTwo men wanted to cross the desert. They had the necessary equipment, several water skins, a sunshade and a camel, but they did not know the best route so they went in search of a map. They tried every map store in town but it seemed that there had been a rush on maps lately and there were no maps of the desert to be found. Finally, in the last little map store they went to, the proprietor, after apologizing for his lack of maps, made an alternative suggestion."You could take Way", he said. "He knows the desert like the back of his back and could be your guide."At first, our two friends were overjoyed and asked to meet this Way. Introductions were made and agreement arrived at but then, just as they were about to sign the contract (which had been contracted so as not to be too long), a possible problem occurred to them."We have only one camel," cried one of the travelers, "will it be able to carry all three of us and the equipment?"Well, you can imagine the consternation this caused. Research was entered into and it was found that their camel could carry a maximum payload of a certain amount (we won't go into the math - it was very complicated). The two intrepid voyagers knew their own weights and added these together to arrive at a figure beyond which Way must not weigh.It then turned out that Way did not know how much he weighed so it became necessary to weigh him. This, of course, required that they find some way of doing so and, as you can imagine, this presented a minor hitch until suddenly the proprietor smacked his brow and proclaimed:"I nearly forgot. There is a weighing machine in my office out back."Accordingly, the machine was dragged from its resting place and prepared for the task. It was a curious contraption, all levers and springs and balances, and our heroic adventurers regarded it with some trepidation."How does it work?" they asked.The shop keeper explained."It is a very clever machine. There are two methods for accomplishing the weighing process. Way can either sit in this little seat here..." He pointed at a circular flat piece of metal. "Or he can grasp this handle," a bar near the top of the machine was indicated, "and lift himself off the ground. You see, sirs, it is a 2-way way to weigh Way!"
Clive
Mad All that build up for a little aliteration... Date Added: 26/03/2007
Gone Away Ah well, you can't please all of the people all of the time... Date Added: 26/03/2007
keeef Were they going to eat whey on the journey? Date Added: 27/03/2007
Gone Away Funnily enough, yes, Keef. :D Date Added: 27/03/2007
Fractal When way was weighed, was way wanting? Was way waiting with whey wearing white, waving wearily? Well... wonderful. Date Added: 31/03/2007
Gone Away Way was with William, since where there's a Way, there's a Will... Date Added: 31/03/2007
Way There's no way I can...Wait, let me search for a better way...No, no, I must weigh such with caution, lest I am left with less than what might pass for mere whey. Drat! I now must conceed that there is no way to escape; I find that I am out-weighed, out-witted and out-foxed. (But there is no way I will be out-sourced! That would be out-landish, to my way of thinking.) Date Added: 03/04/2007
Gone Away Hah, I have waylaid him with my cunning plan! Now I am Gone and he is a Way... Date Added: 03/04/2007
w . o O (first time I been laid in six months) Date Added: 03/04/2007
Gone Away .oO(TMI, Way, TMI) Date Added: 03/04/2007
Way Gee whiz. I lost my Way there. Make that waylaided. Date Added: 04/04/2007
Gone Away Way got lost? But the Way of the desert knows the way like the back of his back... Date Added: 04/04/2007
Madmin Oi! I'm watching you two, anymore trouble and you'll be reported to the internet board for control of bad puns... Date Added: 04/04/2007
Way Have we been had? Are we way gone now? Yerson is on to us, methinks, madly. Date Added: 04/04/2007
Gone Away We are way too punny, it seems - it's making him Mad. Let's be Gone! Date Added: 04/04/2007
Janus Thanks for pulling that out of the vault, I enjoyed it. Its not often I get to see Way do some desert traveling. It reminds me of one of my homework assignments back in the day with the alliteration. Enjoyed the comments just as well :D Date Added: 09/04/2007
Gone Away And you remind me that it's about time I did another post, Janus. Must find the time somewhere... Date Added: 09/04/2007
Way Or middle ground, or just a middle name...heehee Date Added: 10/04/2007
Gone Away Some middle names are better off lost... Date Added: 10/04/2007
Way Arthur Doyle Might have agreed... Date Added: 10/04/2007
Gone Away Yes, Conan has become a name to laugh at, hasn't it? But I take your point, Way - without the Conan, Arthur is unrecognizable. :) Date Added: 10/04/2007
Janus My goal is to be such a famous writer I can just use my initials like Tolkien, Lewis, and Rowling. But then my initals have to have a better sound to it Date Added: 10/04/2007
Gone Away My goal it to never admit to my middle name ever again. :D Date Added: 11/04/2007
Mad *fights temptation* Date Added: 11/04/2007
keeef I have a vague memory of a middle name but it could be wrong. I wont post it to spare your blushes. Date Added: 11/04/2007
keeef Kurt Vonneguts died :( A great author, if a little unhinged. I'd like to thank him for arguably one of the finest sayings to ever enter my life 'Go take a running f**k at a rolling donut" Bless ya Kurt. Date Added: 12/04/2007
prying1 It has been way too long since I have visited. Why weigh Way? If Way is to be the guide he should be way out front walking way ahead to show the way. There is no way Way could ride the camel and show the way. Feeding Way whey is a good idea because Way would get lots of protein from whey. That might help keep his energy levels up while he trudges way ahead of the camel. Date Added: 14/04/2007
Gone Away Yes, I too noted that Kurt Vonnegut had died. RIP, as they say. Date Added: 14/04/2007
Gone Away Way to go, Prying! Date Added: 14/04/2007
Way I count three times to date that Clive has even admitted to owning this vexing and mysterious middle moniker, and have now become more curious than a young cat. The imagination takes fight, so all I can do is await for its return to the den, slated and road-weary. In the meantime, I am left on my on to wonder. Could it possibly be an American Indian type of name, given by an excited set of parents, which, by their ancient customs, comes from a first sighting or first sound they encountered after birth? I do not see how this is possible, but I won’t let bare facts slow me down. Was Hisdad so shaken at the moment when Hismom suddenly announced little Clive's emminent arrival, that during the ensuing wild and reckless ride to yon distant hospital, the young father's normally adequate driving skills became woefully impaired, which resulted in some unfortunate vehicular accident? Could Clive Rolling-Hubcap be a bona fide source of shame in today’s modern world? Or would Clive Screeching of Brakes grant to the old son a current and genuine cause for social embarrassment, and a prime reason to not let the word venture into the light of day? I am sold solid to vote yes to both examples, and will even suggest that Congress issue a strong decree in that regard. Yours truly. Date Added: 15/04/2007
Gone Away To sate the said imagination and send it winging back to its owner, at least for a time, here follows a little tale to do with names but not the offending middlin' moniker: When I was born, in England, as are all my siblings through chance or intent, my father was in Cape Town, South Africa, investigating the city with a view to its suitability as a place to settle and raise young Clives and sisters. In those days there was a thing called the telegram which, in the absence of the yet-to-be-invented internet, was the quickest method of noising news abroad and this was my mother's chosen means of informing my father of the presumably happy event. Now, the telegram consisted of brief sentences typed upon a strip of paper that was then glued to a more substantial piece of paper and, in deference to its long journey and rough handling by careless and overworked postal employees, was invariably somewhat smudged and indistinct in the characters that carried its message. It was, no doubt, due to this singular aspect of the type of communication that my father was a little surprised to read of my arrival: Congrats stop Olive born at [time] on [date] stop Middle names are all very well and may cause the poor owner endless embarrassment in his school days but, when I think of how close I came to being named for Popeye's girlfriend, I can only shudder and consider myself fortunate indeed that my father, after his initial surprise, decided that the matter could only be explained by what we now call a "typo". Date Added: 15/04/2007
Way Clive Oil, huh? Man, that is a slick name. Date Added: 15/04/2007
Gone Away It originated in Greece, I'm told. Date Added: 15/04/2007
keeef So it's not just middle aged spread that we need to be wary of, there's the chewing of the fat to contend with as we get older. Date Added: 16/04/2007
keeef Gone, Sorry for a non lubricant related post but i saw This link and new you'd want one. Date Added: 16/04/2007
keeef here's the 'k' i dropped too Date Added: 16/04/2007
Way Chewing the fat must taste better than blowing smoke. Date Added: 17/04/2007
Gone Away I think Keef is referring to my unconscious habit of blowing smoke rings - and he's right, I want one of those machines. As for chewing the fat, that's fine as long as you don't lard it over me. Date Added: 17/04/2007
keeef well oil be damned. I'm positively dripping in anticipation of your reply Date Added: 18/04/2007
Way Oil be damned? These young kids today. (say, where can one find one of those machines you refer to?) Date Added: 19/04/2007
Gone Away This is enough to make me blubber. As for the machine, I suspect it is the only one in existence and we shall have to continue to make smoke rings in the time-honored fashion. Date Added: 19/04/2007
keeef It probably is one of a kind but there's no need to whale on about it. Date Added: 19/04/2007
Gone Away You're just trying to butter me up, Keef. I can see I must post something new quickly or we will never reach an end to this fat conversation... Date Added: 19/04/2007
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