Don't Quote Me...
01/06/2006

Quite often on the net, we are given the opportunity to include a favorite quote in the forms that we fill in. On most of mine, you will find the words, "What's done is dung", which is actually a quote from myself. But it's not really my favorite; I much prefer the last words of General John Sedgwick, the highest ranking Union officer to be killed in the Civil War: "Don't be silly. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."

I love the irony implicit in the statement and its outcome. So why don't I put it down as my favorite quote? The problem stems from the fact that it's not quite what he said; the story has been honed down over the years to make it appear more dramatic. Here's what really happened, according to the Wikipedia entry on General Sedgwick:

"Sedgwick fell at the beginning of the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, on May 9, 1864. His corps was probing skirmish lines ahead of the left flank of Confederate defenses and he was directing artillery placements. Confederate sharpshooters were about 1,000 yards away and their shots caused members of his staff and artillerymen to duck for cover. Sedgwick strode around in the open and was quoted (Foote, 1974) as saying, 'What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance.' Although ashamed, his men continued to flinch and he repeated, 'I'm ashamed of you, dodging that way. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance.' Just minutes later, he fell forward with a bullet hole below his left eye. He was the highest ranking Union casualty (the most senior by date of rank of all major generals killed) of the Civil War."

Those extra minutes between the statement and the shot completely ruin the irony. No wonder that posterity has seen fit to remove them and truncate the last word.

What is surprising is how often famous quotes weren't said at all. We all know that the phrase, "Play it again, Sam", was never spoken in the film Casablanca, in spite of our continued acceptance of it as a catchphrase. The Wikipedia has this to say on the subject:

"Ilsa says 'Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake'; in response, Sam tries to lie, saying 'I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa'; and she says 'Play it, Sam. Play As Time Goes By.' When Rick hears the song, not realizing yet that Ilsa is there, he rushes up and says 'I thought I told you never to play that.' Later, alone with Sam, he says 'You played it for her and you can play it for me', and then 'If she can stand it, I can! Play it!' In A Night in Casablanca, all this dialogue was parodied using the line 'Play it again, Sam' — a phrase which has incorrectly become associated with the original film."

But this is merely the most famous of inaccurate quotes. A little research reveals hordes of them, some the most famous of all. For instance, Lord Horatio Nelson's last words at the Battle of Trafalgar are popularly supposed to be, "Kiss me, Hardy". Not so, it seems. Once again, I have recourse to the Wikipedia entry:

"Nelson's final words (as related by Victory's Surgeon William Beatty, based on the accounts of those who were with Nelson when he died) were 'Thank God I have done my duty'. According to Beatty, he repeated these words several times until he became unable to speak.

"In his dying hours, Nelson was also attended by his chaplain, Alexander Scott, his steward, Chevalier and Walter Burke, the purser, whose accounts have been available for modern biographers of Nelson. In those accounts, Nelson's last words were 'Drink, drink. Fan, fan. Rub, rub.' This was a request to alleviate his symptoms of thirst, heat and the pains of his wounds (Pocock, Horatio Nelson, 1987, p.331).

"It is a common misconception that Nelson's last words were 'Kiss me, Hardy', spoken to the captain of HMS Victory, Thomas Hardy. Nelson did, in fact, say this to Hardy a short time before his death, but they were not his last words, and Hardy was not present at his death (having been called back on deck). Some have speculated that Nelson actually said 'Kismet, Hardy', but this is impossible, since the word kismet did not enter the English language until much later."

Which is all a bit more complicated than we had supposed. What is strange about it, however, is that the most noble candidate, "Thank God I have done my duty", has been ignored for the dated and rather odd, "Kiss me, Hardy". Why that should have happened, I have no idea.

Then there are the famous words of Julius Caesar as reported by Shakespeare: "Et tu, Brute". As a line from a play, we should expect that this would be inaccurate but it doesn't miss the mark by much, as the Wikipedia makes clear:

"His (Julius Caesar's) last words are, unfortunately, not known with certainty, and are a contested subject among scholars and historians. In Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Caesar's last words are given as 'Et tu, Brute?' ('And [even] you, Brutus?'). His actual last words are most widely believed to be 'Tu quoque, Brute, fili mi?' ('You also, Brutus, my son?'), or 'Tu quoque, mi fili?' ('You also, my son?'). It is possible, however, that these phrases are translations or adaptations of his last words, which he spoke in Greek, into Latin; Suetonius stated that Caesar said, (a phrase) in Greek, (transliterated as 'kai su, teknon?', or 'even you, my child?')."

While Shakespeare's rendering is brief and without the reference to Brutus as his son, it still contains the impact of surprise and betrayal that Caesar felt on realizing that even Brutus had deserted him. Perhaps we should give the Bard more recognition as an historian as well as a playwright.

All this indecision and misreporting leaves me with a need for an accurate quote that I can put on those internet forms. A bit of digging has produced the following possibilities:

"I'm bored with it all."
Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965. Said before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.

"I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record..."
Dylan Thomas, poet, d. 1953.

"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."
Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900.

Perhaps I'll stick with, "What's done is dung"...

Technorati tags: Quotations; Famous last words.

Clive

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