Siblings 14/01/2006 I grew up with two sisters. It always struck me as a little unfair that I only had two sisters whereas both of my sisters had a brother and a sister. In this way, I was deprived of knowing what it is like to have a brother. But at least I did have the experience of siblings.Only children do not know what it is to have a brother or sister and this gives rise to all sorts of myths and theories on the effect it has on them. As an instance, they are supposed to be spoiled and self-centered. The psychologists are not so certain that this is true and opinion is divided as to the actual effects of being an only child. In Myths About Only Children, Toni Falbo argues against the myths and claims that only children have higher self-esteem and achieve more than other children, but, in The Dilemma of the Only Child, Alissa D. Eischens seems much less convinced. It does seem to be accepted, however, that being an only child has some effect on the development of the child.My son, Mad, was an only child for the first eighteen years of his life. At that point, we confused him by providing him with, in fairly rapid succession, a sister and a brother. So Mad is in the interesting position of being raised as an only child and yet also knowing what it is to have siblings. Which is not to say that I have noticed any effects stemming from his experience; I haven't. This may well be the result of his forming a lifelong friendship with Keef, who comments occasionally on this blog. They have been friends since they were about five years old and are often mistaken for brothers, so closely do they resemble each other.This matter of what differences are created in the only child may have some bearing on the future of the world. Consider that, for over thirty years, it has been illegal in China to have more than one child. The experience of having siblings must be extremely rare in that country, therefore, and in the course of time it is inevitable that the Chinese government will be composed almost entirely of only children. Will this have any effect upon the policies and decisions of that government? Will they have any concept of how politicians of other nations, composed largely of those who have siblings, think and are likely to react? Is it possible that China will be run by a bunch of spoiled brats or, conversely, extremely high achievers?The prospect is further complicated by the fact that traditional prejudices against female children have continued in China. This becomes clear from a study of China Facts and Figures 2002; males consistently form about 51% of the population as opposed to the 48% who are female. This is the exact opposite of the male/female percentage in other countries.We might suppose that only children of male gender have a greater chance of being spoiled in a culture that much prefers male children, in which case the old myth of self-centered brats might prove correct. Given that China seems to delay appointing its leaders until they are very old, how comfortable are we with the thought that such a potentially powerful country might be governed in the future by a group of crotchety, spoiled and high-achieving old men? A scary thought, perhaps.There are implications for the system of government as well. Since it seems that only children tend to be more self-reliant than others, for how long will they accept the concepts that form the basis of communist thinking, of subservience to the state in the interests of the common good ? It may well be that the system that first instituted the population control of one child per family has sown the seeds of its own destruction in doing so.All of which is pure conjecture, of course. It is far more likely that we will not notice any changes resulting from the only-child generations beginning to assume the reins of power in China. But it does make me wonder whether it would be worth our putting a little more effort into researching the characteristics of only children...Technorati tags: Siblings; Only children; China.
Clive
prying1 I was raised an only child by a single divorced mother. Although I have not studied the issue I have caught bits and pieces of a few of them and have heard all the conclusions concerning a siblingless (is that a word? Oh well. I'm going to use it anyway:-)) life you brought up in this post.
Good post by the way and I had not heard the 'China Siblingless Factor' brought up before now.
My conclusion from my own experience and other siblingless people I know is that the people who write the books on it have nothing better to do or write about. I imagine they have no imagination as do you Clive.
People, mankind in general are all individuals and as such cannot be put into a box and have too many general statements made about them, singly or as a group, before the box splits open. Date Added: 14/01/2006
Gone Away I agree with you that it is not helpful to put people in boxes, Paul. But, when viewed statistically, it is possible to discern trends and tendencies in people groups and it suddenly occurred to me that we have yet to see the results of what amounts to an enormous social engineering experiment in China. My feeling is that, like all our meddling with society, it is likely to end in completely unforeseen results, most of which will be undesirable. Perhaps that's just my pessimism clouding my view... Date Added: 15/01/2006
Scot Clive, Good to see you back from vacation. Much to think about and consider in this article, especially in regard to China. Social engineering of such magnitude certainly will result in unintended consequences. They always do, and sometimes, as you say, not always for the good. My ex-wife and I only had two children. After our divorce, my son came to live with me, and my daughter remained with my ex. Even though they remained close with each other and had summer visits, they grew up independently of each other. As such they both seem to have the characteristics associated with only children. My son can ingratiate himself with anybody in any given situation, and so can my daughter, although they are completely different in personality. Both have a strong sense of confidence and are not afraid to see things through once they've made a commitment to doing something. Both have always been and continue to be high achievers. Though I think how children ultimately become happy, self-actualized adults still has more to do with parenting, rather than circumstances or environment. Anyway, my poor, feeble mind just lost the thread of where I was going with this, such as it is for this late at night. Good to see you back. Date Added: 15/01/2006
Mad Just goes to show what a complex and many layered thing is global politics. A social engineering experiment begun years ago may change the outlook of the worlds biggest population. Date Added: 15/01/2006
John (Syntagma) Interesting point about China, Clive. I'd not thought of that one, especially in respect of how girls are often rejected. Scary.
I was an only-child for 6 years, then had a brother and sister in quick succession. My sister feels deprived for being the youngest of two brothers. My brother feels deprived for being piggy-in-the-middle, and I feel deprived for reaching 6 y-o without either brother or sister. Maybe we should all forget about feeling deprived and enjoy what we've got. Date Added: 15/01/2006
Gone Away Thanks, Scot. I agree totally that parenting is the most important influence in the development of a child. It is interesting to see how other factors can produce tendencies statistically, however. And I mean interesting - we mess with such things at our peril (see my next comment)! Date Added: 15/01/2006
Gone Away Exactly, Mad. I think what worries us about such things as social and genetic engineering is that the scientists make sweeping assumptions that they now know enough to do such things. Rarely is this true. Did you know that, when they dropped the first atom bomb, the scientists were not completely sure that it would not set off a chain reaction that would engulf the whole world? The arrogance is staggering... Date Added: 15/01/2006
Gone Away Excellent point, John. I guess we should be seeing the glass as half full, rather than as half empty. ;) Date Added: 15/01/2006
prying1 re: chain reaction that would engulf the whole world? - I for one am glad it didn't. Date Added: 15/01/2006
Gone Away Me too, Paul, me too... Date Added: 16/01/2006
Mad It does take a certain self-confidence to set of something that might destroy your entire world. Date Added: 16/01/2006
Rollo TF Interesting post. I like the way you lead in from the very small focus (your experience) to the larger, perhaps, global focus. You serve up an intriguing question. As a matter of curiosity, do you know of any world leaders who were only children? It might give us a clue as to how it might affect their leadership styles in the future. Date Added: 17/01/2006
Gone Away Interesting question, Rollo. In point of fact, I can't think of any world leaders who were only children (which doesn't mean there aren't any - just that my knowledge doesn't stretch that far). A subject for further investigation, I think. Google, here I come. ;) Date Added: 17/01/2006
Marti I grew up as an only child, and found it quite lonely. I wasn't "pampered" by any means, in fact I often felt like the scapegoat when something went wrong. I do think it gives a chld a sense of belonging, and I would think, lessons on sharing and cooperating, even negotiating skills, to have siblings. {{psst - I made the Blog Herald 100 list...doing the happy dance LOL}} Date Added: 17/01/2006
Gone Away I'd not thought of that, Marti - that there's no-one else to put the blame on if you're an only child! And congratulations on making the list. :) Date Added: 17/01/2006
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