A Tale of an Epiphany 11/09/2005 I knew if I hung around the back door of PoserPundit.com long enough, I'd pick up a scarcely-used epiphany. Sure enough, I'd lurked in the alley only a few minutes when one came hurtling through a window. I heard the rustling of paper as Mark unwrapped a new one and his first few exploratory notes. Carefully, I picked up the discarded instrument, hid it under my coat and walked home whistling tunelessly through my teeth.I don't know if you've ever tried to play an epiphany but they're darned difficult to get a sound out of. It took me all weekend before I was able to get the thing to produce that long, low moan that we associate instantly with the prince of instruments. Two more days of practice and I could produce something like a tune from it and was ready to go. I returned my jew's harp to the jew next door (being the world's virtuoso on the jew's harp is all very well but it's hard getting concert dates and the guy always wants it back on the very day you're due to perform). With the epiphany once more secreted beneath my coat, I set out for Al's.Why Al had chosen to live in a basement underneath a Turkish restaurant I never did find out. To this day, I cannot smell a kebab without being transported back to those happy days of band practices at Al's place. Not that Al was very musical but, as the owner of the only pornograph in town, it was sort of incumbent upon him that he form a pornograph band (commonly called a "pornography" but I won't go into that).You can imagine the beaming faces and cries of joy that greeted my announcement that I had given back the jew's harp and Freddie's jambalaya would no longer have competition for principal rhythm section. And I can only presume that the gasps that met my production of the epiphany were sheer delight at the prospect of an expansion of our wind section. At any rate, it took very little persuasion before the band finally agreed to give it a try.Al lit the brazier at the back of the pornograph then sat and waited for it to get steam up; Ernie started to tune the cacophany. Jimmy the Greek spat a few times into the mouthpiece of his pandemonium then blew a few melodious notes; Freddie rattled and zinged away at the jambalaya, eager to start, now that he was to lead the rhythm section. And I huffed and puffed into that epiphany until the first mournful notes filled the smoky confines of the basement apartment.With an ear-piercing whistle, the pornograph announced that it was ready to go and we threw ourselves into it. Man, what a jam session that was! With the jew's harp gone, there was no longer any need for everyone to hold back so it could be heard, and we raised the roof in our sudden freedom. Al had the pornograph turned up full bore so its wheezing blasts were fighting with the howling of the epiphany, Freddie was bouncing around like a dervish as he thrashed that old jambalaya to keep up, and the pandemonium, oh the pandemonium - Jimmy was blowing his heart out to be heard above Ernie's jangling cacophany.The rest, of course, is history. Yes, we had the entire staff and customers from the Turkish restaurant come down the stairs and mouth their astonishment and pleasure at us (well, I think it was pleasure - we couldn't hear what they were shouting). In a few days we were performing at the Athenium down by City Hall and then the requests for concerts and royal performances began to flood in. We played them all, never turned down a date and, for a while, we reached the heights and jostled the stars. You will have heard, no doubt.Yes, we had our moment in the sun, Al's Pornograph and Euphonious Noises Band, the musical phenomenon of late September, 1958. And it all fell apart in a moment of disharmony, as these things often do. Ernie announced that he wanted to go solo and then Freddie and Al started arguing over whether we needed another cacophany player or could carry on without. That might have been worked out in the end but Jimmy lost patience and went back to Greece to join a malarky band. In just a few days I was the only one left, a lonely figure in a strange town with no more than the airfare back home in my pocket. And the epiphany, of course.I still have it, that old epiphany, and on moonless nights when the cats are yowling, I blow a few notes on it for old times' sake. But I haven't the heart to play a tune or anything like that. Let the thing rest on its laurels of greatness.Mark is still throwing away used epiphanies and sometimes I see others stop and gaze at the latest cast-off, a faraway look in their eyes. But if they notice me, I just shake my head and walk on. Too many memories associated with those darn things.
Clive
Mark Cross And I thought I was weird! You Sir are capricious. ;) Date Added: 11/09/2005
Gone Away Ooh, capricious! Nicest thing anyone's ever said to me... ;) Date Added: 11/09/2005
ME Strauss If capricious means sly, magical, clever, musical, layered, comical, deep, philosophical, wise, and caring. He is right. I had an ephiphany once . . . played it in a whimsical. PS qlqfeez Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Uh, yeah, that's what capricious means... I think. :D
Thanks Liz! :) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Scot I really like this sentence: "I still have it, that old epiphany, and on moonless nights when the cats are yowling, I blow a few notes on it for old times' sake." Pan would be proud to have such a wonderful player to accompany him on his pipes. Again, well written and delightful to read. Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Thanks, Scot. :) Date Added: 12/09/2005
prying1 I think had I joined the group with my punsalot I would have fit right in... Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away So you were the guy with the punsalot, hovering at the edge of the crowd, Paul! You'd have been welcomed, I assure you! Date Added: 12/09/2005
Mark Cross In my earlier comment today - while busily trying to rap my Midwestern mind around your British humor - I completely forgot my manners. THANK YOU for linking to my little kingdom so prominently and conspicuously. By doing so you managed to drop you Google rank from a '5' to a '4.' That'll teach ya. :) You're too kind but I must say you have wonderful taste in source material. I steal most of my good stuff from you anyone so it's kind of like getting your own lawnmower back from your neighbor in order to mow your own lawn. :D Date Added: 12/09/2005
keeefer In the good old days i was quite a fan of thumping out a tune on the bachelor pad. Due to the over crowded nature of the shared house, i was often found in the cupboard under the stairs just carrying the beat on the old, dilapatated pad itself. Looking back, I think the beauty of it was that it wasnt mine and so i could dish out a real pounding without fear of breaking it. Now back in those days i was a complete drop out, had no intention of joining the workforce, all i wanted was my bachelor pad and that i already had. Eventually my friends were horrified, but my mother was proud, when i finally came out of the closet and became a homeowner. Most enjoyable Mr Gone, have you been taking your Ogdens nut gone flake recently? Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Hey, always a pleasure, Mark. :) And don't worry - the PR's still at 5. When you wander from the main page to the comments section, it tends to drop a little, that's all. ;) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Ah, the good ole beat of the bachelor pad; I remember it well. As for Ogden's Nut Gone Flake (hmmm, never noticed before but they borrowed my name for that...), it's a long story. Are you all sitting comftibold two-square on your botty? Then I'll begin... :D Date Added: 12/09/2005
ME Strauss Gosh I hear you guys talk about the PR and I thought it was about the music of the language. (She sighs euphoniously and then grins like the Cheshire cat again.) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away To some of us, Liz, PR is nothing if not sweet music. ;) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Mad ...suddenly the muffled noises from beneath the stairs make sense Keef.
Dad... you haven't discovered peyote out there on the prairie have you? Date Added: 12/09/2005
glennie A delightful concoction of malapropisms and imagination. I loved this post from beginning to end and laughed all the way through. An excellent example of great humour and great writing combined. There are just two many good jokes but I will cite just one: "it all fell apart in a moment of disharmony". Still chuckling. btw find out about how I found America on my blog and how it looked to me glennie Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Must be a bit of a shock to find out that Yerdad is so weird huh, Mad? :D Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Glenni, especially for noticing that little joke embedded with all the rest. ;)
I shall be along to read your impressions of America as soon as I've woken up properly! (Please note that I resisted the urge to say: America? It was straight on and turn left, wasn't it?) :D Date Added: 12/09/2005
ME Strauss So if you play the PR then the back beat comes from the trends and the linkage? Sounds like that would be more rhythmn and blues. Hey Mad, could you email me? Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away That sounds like it exactly, Liz! :) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Kurt Hmm. For all the world, I can't help but read this as a Tom Waits song done in essay form. Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Never heard his songs, Kurt (in fact, I had to Google his name to find out who he is). But hey, that's cool if he's as weird as me! :D Date Added: 12/09/2005
prying1 Rest assured Clive - No one fits that description. -(:- P Date Added: 13/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) Ahhh... I emerge from a dream, with the sound of cricket balls still ringing in my ears, to find you all in good form as usual. I've also visited Mark's blog. Drat, I meant to email him. He'll have to wait until the cricket balls come down to earth again. Date Added: 13/09/2005
Gone Away Good to know I stand supreme in at least one area, Paul. :D Date Added: 13/09/2005
Gone Away Not all has become Ashes while you've been attending to the sounds of willow upon leather, John. ;) Date Added: 13/09/2005
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