The 51st State 06/09/2005 I have maintained for some time that England should petition America to be the 51st State. There are benefits that would accrue to both sides if this were to happen but note first that I said "England", not Britain or the United Kingdom. Scotland and Wales have been straining to get away from the Union for some time; this is one Englishman who has had enough and says, "Let 'em go."Consider the advantages that both England and America could gain by such an assimilation. England would no longer be subject to the failed dream of becoming an equal partner in a mystical "United States of Europe". No more would she have to struggle under the ludicrous diktats of Brussels or suffer the ignominy of her interests being disregarded while the French and Germans tussle over which nation will be "head honcho" in Europe.Language would no longer be a problem since England shares a common tongue with the States. There would be a minor difficulty with spelling at first but, since both education systems seem to deem it of no importance, this would hardly be a stumbling block. With English being the lingua franca of the internet, a union between two major Anglo Saxon nations would also make sense and strengthen the language's claim to be the Latin of the modern world.The English might have to learn to call petrol "gasoline" but the pain of that should be greatly eased by the adoption of American gas prices. In the middle of an oil supply crisis, gas now costs an average of just over $3.00 per gallon in the States. That's about £1.60, folks; from my latest information, it seems that the price at the pumps in Britain is currently above £5.00 per gallon. Need I say more?Note, too, that I have used the old measure, the gallon. Guess what, countrymen - it's still used over here in the States! Forget those meaningless litres and kilos and return to sensible measures. For the young ones who have been indoctrinated into the metric system, let me explain how sensible is the old way to measure. An inch is approximately the length of the last digit of your thumb (let's call it a rule of thumb), a foot is exactly that, about the length of an average male foot, and a yard is what you're going to have to learn to call your garden.But it's not only with gas prices that I can entice my countrymen into the fold; just about anything you can think of costs less in America. Think of it - computers, cars, washing machines, and especially steak, costing around half of what they squeeze from you over there. From a financial point of view alone, it makes perfect sense to join the States rather than Europe.The benefits do not flow only one way; there are plenty of advantages to be had from such a union by the Americans too. Consider how the Royal family is adored in the States. With a stroke of the pen they could become an icon alongside Uncle Sam. Oh, there would be no problem with jurisdiction; the Brits have long ago stripped them of all power and they could continue in their present function, providing the pomp and ceremony of our quaint little island nation. Perhaps an arrangement could be made whereby some of them visit continental America and wave to the crowd on regular occasions.There is the dying aristocracy to be considered, too. By allowing the monarchy to continue in a titular role, you also permit the possibility of titles being handed out beyond England's shores, and so we might have Duke Duke Ellington, Earl Earl Pomeroy and Baron le Baron. I think I'd draw the line at Prince Prince, however.Of course, a major attraction for the Americans in my suggestion is the wealth of history they'd be buying into. After all, many Americans have their ancestral roots in England and this would be an opportunity to own that history as never before. Tourism would be made so much easier as well, no passports being required, and the journey being of no more consequence than driving from Minnesota to Michigan. Prices would be more akin to what the Americans are used to and so tipping would cease to be the extortionate chore it is now if you stick to the 15% norm (and the English would be happy too, since they are lucky to be tipped at all at present and then only at the rate of 10%).There are strategic matters to look at too. With union would come the opportunity to have a solid military base on the other side of the Atlantic, easily defensible since the Channel still forms a major obstacle to any possible invasion. England has small but highly professional armed forces that would add a feather in the cap of America's military.Think of it as your grandmother coming to live with you when she's too old and feeble to run her own household anymore. She may be a bit crotchety and eccentric but she provides free baby-sitting services and occasional light kitchen help. You might have to suffer endless tales of how things used to be but, with a bit of luck, there'll be the odd gem of wisdom mixed in too. And besides, it's so much better than packing her off to spend her last days in a home.You know it makes sense. Already forward-looking people are bowing to the inevitable and placing their bets. Our good friend, Bill Gates, invests huge sums in Cambridge University every year. He knows which way the wind is blowing, obviously.You might think I make this suggestion in jest and, to some extent, you'd be right. I know there's no chance of it ever happening. But, in an ideal world, it would be the most sensible way to go. And I have increased its chances of being considered by putting the idea in your head. Now run with it!
Clive
ME Strauss Who says the Brits have no sense of irony? Posh! The further I read the more I smiled, hearing the ever so slight twinkle in your eye, sensing the parts that ring with truth. I'm just grinning with the feeling that comes from reading the work of a master writer. The layers are fabulous. Wish I could hang for the discussion, but there's work to do. Maybe I'll check in later and see where it goes. Meanwhile, I'm sending this off to my buttoned-up friend. thank you. Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away You are too kind, Liz. :) Hopefully this one will spark a bit of protest, especially in my Brit friends... ;) Date Added: 06/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) Nice try, Clive. I almost fell for it until you expanded on your theme. The Devil's in the detail, you know! Actually, I nearly moved to Virginia a few years ago when our greatest living philosopher, Roger Scruton, maddened by the hunting ban, declared he was off (he's still declaring, but he hasn't moved yet). He reckons Virginia is like England was before we joined the European Union. I've no doubt he's right, but somehow, having lived in Oz and Spain and other watering holes, I've always wanted to come back. And here I am.
As for becoming part of the Union, Why? Why can't we look after ourselves? Admittedly with a berk like Blair in charge, it's a bit difficult, but we can do it. America has enough troubles of its own, mainly social. Europe has economic problems. Why should we take on other people's difficulties? We've got enough of our own. So, NO, is my answer. The United Kingdom should remain inviolate and free. We have no reason to sell out to anyone. Though if it was a straight choice, I would choose America any day. Date Added: 06/09/2005
Madmin Ooooh nice use of the paragraph tags there John! *sobs with joy that someone was listening* Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away It's an old country and tired, John. Hence my likening it to looking after granny in her old age. With the dismantling of empire, there is nothing to look forward to but a long, drawn-out coming to terms with the fact that we're no longer a world power but a little country of no account, scraping a living on the edge of Europe. If we stay in the European Union, we become that much more irrelevant the quicker as we exchange our sovereignty for the mess of potage Brussels offers. If we try to go it alone, we become somewhat akin to Greece, a once-great nation that does little but raise goats and dream of the past. With America we at least retain some dignity - each State of the Union has considerable say in its own affairs. And think of the fun we could have with those Democratic and Republican conventions! Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away Oh, so you'll let John handle the p tags but don't trust me to know what I'm doing, huh, Mad? Date Added: 06/09/2005
Madmin Hey he did it of his own back... and it was poetry man, sheer poetry. *sniffle* Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away You're forgiven - but only if you open your Messenger... Date Added: 06/09/2005
Mad I shall let John Cleese answer this post for me: "To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day. " Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away What a pity that only 2.15% of Americans will understand the humor (note spelling) in that, Mad. But they welcomed Billy Connolly with open arms so there is hope yet that we can attain some sort of mid-Atlantic humor. ;) Date Added: 06/09/2005
Mad As long as Josh laughs eh. Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away Well, I hope Josh laughs... Date Added: 06/09/2005
Kurt Odd that you'd post this the week I consider England as an offhand option for the future (due mostly to an upcoming meeting for information on, among other things, the Rhodes scholarship and some other fellowships to British institutes of higher learning). Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away Perhaps it's an omen, Kurt... ;) Date Added: 06/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) Well now, what can I say after all that? Mad's right, we should retake the U.S. not vice versa. The fifty states could become part of the federation Blair created with devolution. I'm an Anglosphere man at heart. Whichever way it's done let's keep our Common Law and the freedoms that derive from Magna Carta. Stuff the Napoleonic stuff!
You see, even Kurt is heading this way through a Rhodes Scholarship. I rest my case! Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away You see, you agree with me at heart, John. Remember how we brought Scotland into the union in the first place? We borrowed their king... Date Added: 06/09/2005
Josh Oh, it's funny alright. I laughed. I love Mr. Cleese far too much to be offended. And I also happen to know that he lives in L.A. most of the time now. :) Though I must say the thing about rounders always pisses me off, as I've been beaned with a 80mph+ baseball in the ribs. Calling that a girls game while bragging about kicking a ball around, falling down and signalling for cold spray or a stretcher is beyond ridiculous. :) Date Added: 06/09/2005
Josh Reading that back it sounds a bit petty -- but as a clarification, almost every male Briton I've befriended in my travels has gone out of his way to tell me that baseball is a pansy sport. Everything else they manage to keep to themselves, but that one always seems to get thrown out, like a big matzo ball. :) Date Added: 06/09/2005
Mad It's true! I bite my tongue so hard but the rounders dig often escapes my clenced teeth. It's like the Aussies, once I discovered that blokes played netball over there I had to take the micky... Date Added: 06/09/2005
Gone Away Pardon us Josh - we have to find some way of getting back at you for the Revolution. ;) Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Mad, knowing the Ozzies, I suspect that their version of netball is not quite as genteel as the one we're accustomed to see the girls play... ;) Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer urrrr i broke my foot playing netball 6 months ago ....... Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Hehehe, you're a true Ozzie, Keefer... :D Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer It was very embaressing. Netballs a stupid game.As for your post today, im with mr cleese. Alternatly cant we just herd all the welsh, irish and scots onto ireland, tow it across the atlantic and abandon it on their doorstep? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away I consider my suggestion the most practical of the possible solutions, Keef. :D Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer On reflection i think you may be right. Where do i sign to recieve my stars n stripes flag and which queue is for fully automatic weapons?..........I'll teach em to do away with 2nd post Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Oh, I think you'll have to practise being an Ozzie for a few years yet, Keef. All together now: Bonzer! Tuckerbag! Tinny! She'll be right! Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer fair dinkum Goneo. Are you saying i shouldnt give a xxxx about the USA? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away You can keep your inferior Castlemaine lager, Keef! :D Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer but i dont want too! Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away And who can blame you? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Josh Hey Hey Hey!
Is this some sort of Pommy love-in? Nobody said you could stop for a complaint break - now back to work burning dirt and building crap cars! ;) Date Added: 07/09/2005
Mad Keef: "Alternately can’t we just herd all the Welsh, Irish and Scots onto Ireland, tow it across the Atlantic and abandon it on their doorstep?" Isn't that kind of how America happened in the first place? The Irish built America (till they discovered they could make the Chinese do it for them anyway), the Scots decided it wasn't cold enough and made Canada instead and the Welsh got lost and settled in Patagonia. Date Added: 07/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) I think the tone of this debate has deteriorated somewhat. No one has yet mentioned cheese. Can anyone remember what American cheese tastes like? No! Because it has absolutely no flavour. Most American food is like that, which is why they practically give it away in vast portions.
And what about cultural matters? Do Michael Jackson and Paris Hilton constitute a "culture"? I don't think so. And what of all those TV channels? There are more of them than people ... Having said all that, I'd swap a lot right now to be on horseback somewhere in Wyoming, riding across the wide open plains, with "The Big Country" playing on my iPod. Yes, you can stick modern civilization. Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away I think you're right, Josh - the Americans (apart from your good self) seem too shocked or mystified to comment... Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away .oO(That's mah boy - I taught him well) Date Added: 07/09/2005
Jill I absolutely LOVE this piece! Hubby and I have always been drawn to Things British. Your writing sparkles with the dry wit that only an Englishman could produce! Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Cheese in America means Wisconsin - because that's where all the cheese comes from. So the Wisconsonians are called "cheeseheads" and actually wear great wedges of cheese on their heads when they go to watch the Green Bay Packers play. Go the Pack!
As for other food, I need only mention steak... Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Jill! Boy, am I glad to see you! I was being overwhelmed by Brits here. How good to see an American face and hear that wonderful accent! And thank you for your kind comments. :) Date Added: 07/09/2005
Jill Well, I'm very glad to have "discovered" your blog, via your comments on my own. You're a good writer! (And I am a snob -- LOL) I find it interesting (and amusing) to hear an American accent referred to as "wonderful." I LOVE the wide variety of British accents, and could listen to a Brit all day long. I feel strongly that Americans have bastardized the English language. You'll laugh (or roll your eyes, maybe), but when I'm reading my novel out loud to hubby (he helps me edit this way), I do it in my faux British accent. It just works better! I think I was born on the wrong continent. :P Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away I suppose it's always true that one's own accent sounds ordinary and boring in comparison with others. Talking of reading your novel aloud makes me think of Dylan Thomas. He often gave poetry readings and read in a plummy upper class English accent - but I think his poems just have to be read in that singsong Welsh accent to be truly appreciated. ;) Date Added: 07/09/2005
Josh And uppity englishman calling American food bland (which is ridiculous, as culturally, no food isn't american) Has Mr/ Syntagma ever been to the US? Did he eat somewhere besides Macdonalds? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away I don't know the answer to either of those questions, Josh. But I do know that it sounds a bit strange to hear a Britisher criticizing food as bland. What's he doing, trying to ruin the reputation of Brit food? :D Date Added: 07/09/2005
Josh I think he's just coming from the same place most disgruntled Britons are when he whines about America. He's trying to get someone to pay attention.
Its like: Brit: "You Americans suck." Yank 1: "Hey Cletus, did you just hear something?" Brit: "Your Culture sucks!" Yank 2: "Yeah, I heard it, but it was real faint like. Dunno, Rufus. Them skeeters must be out tonight." Brit: "I say ol' chap! I'm trying to piss you off here!" Yank 1: "Hay Cleetus, whats on the tayvay tonight?" Brit: "Oh, fiddlesticks. I guess I'll just have to go on whinging about the French." Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away What can I say? I'm stuck in the middle here! :> Date Added: 07/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) You're right, Josh, you know I'm trying to be ironic. I love American food : KFC, Coke, Starbucks.
The French do food so well. The trouble is, that's all they do. Whereas the U.S. does everything else almost to perfection. We need to bring you down to earth sometimes. Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away .oO(Nice save, John) Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer See what a happy nation we'd make. Ive nearly finished reading Mr Nice again (a great novel about a welshman who became one of the worlds biggest dope smugglers during the 70's & 80's). The end of the book is about his extradition from Spain to America on RICO charges (whatever they are(he doesnt understand them either and he was educated in Balliol uni oxford, mind you the judge couldnt explain the charges either)). For the crime of smuggling cannabis into America he could be looking at a life sentance. Life, in this case, would mean just that. That seems a little extreme to me. Maybe i am becoming to liberal in my old age or maybe living with a nation of criminals is softening my heart, but i think American law may be a little to extreme for my liking. Can i opt to live in Canada? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away Hmmm, I dunno. Do you like snow? Date Added: 07/09/2005
Josh Hah. "Boo hoo, your racketeering and corrupt enterprise laws are too harsh." Gimme a break. The "Oy! 'e was jus' avin' a larff, guv" thing doesn't work in US juris prudence, no. I'd recommend that any criminal who decides to break US law be a.) aware that he/she is doing so and b.) prepared to take the consequences. Anything else is just stupidity. You figure he might have learned about cause and effect in his days at Oxford. Date Added: 07/09/2005
Scot That the British have a dry sense of wit is certainly evident in this wonderfully written tongue-in-cheek essay. We Americans and Brits do share many things in common, though. I've never had much luck with the metric system. I can picture a quart, but a liter? Forget it. Date Added: 07/09/2005
Gone Away I'm the same, Scot. I never did manage to get my head round those strange metric measures. In the end, I had to move to a country where they still use sensible measures... Date Added: 07/09/2005
keeefer Josh, you're welcome to keep your draconian laws. They are evidently working as amply demonstrated by the American low crime rate figures. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Mark Cross Watch 'em folks! Watch 'em! Give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile. Guard your tea! Seal off the Boston Harbor! This is a slippery slope I'm telling you. We invite 'em in and before you know it we'll have a McFish & Chips on every corner and we'll all be singing God bless & save the American Queen!" Wait! That don't sound so good... Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away Ah, Mark, what a marvellous melding of cultures you you conjure up! This is how things should have been, had you guys not become so annoyed at a few pence levied on the price of tea... :D Date Added: 08/09/2005
Josh And you're welcome to work with post hoc ergo propter hoc suppositions when making your pronouncements about America. :) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away .oO(The man batters me with Latin!) You're a true patriot, Josh. Would that there were a few more over in my little island home who felt as strongly as you about my England... Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gary A yard is the approximate length from the tip of a man's fingers to his elbow. Or is that a league? Or a fathom? Oh, evermind.... And Clive, this is the nuttiest idea I've ever heard. But I love you anyway. Gary Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away Well, a man's gotta have a few insanities just to stay sane these days, Gary. ;) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Josh Hey, its like this: I know my brother Bill is an a**hole, but he's the only brother named Bill I've got, and I don't need some stranger who's never seen (or refuses to see) the good bits telling me how big an a**hole he is. :) Date Added: 08/09/2005
John (SYNTAGMA) Mark, you bring back some wonderful memories. There used to be a fish chain called Macfis fish. But the European
"common" fishing policy wrecked our waters and Macfisheries went under, all the way down to Davy Jones's Locker. We still have chips though. But only just. The EU is trying to harmonize (read, enforced uniformity) all our field and orchard crops into a few standard varieties, mainly French. So the British chip is an endangered species, along with British fish. They'll be banning bowler hats next. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Mad Who called Bill an asshole!? I'll sort 'em out for you Josh. Damn cheek... Date Added: 08/09/2005
Lee Carlon I think this is a great idea, but let's take it a step further and include the rest of the world, the only change I'd suggest is that instead of adopting American culture, we should probably go for say, Chinese, after all they've already got the biggest population, so there'd be less people to convert.
When I first moved to Australia I enjoyed talking the piss out of blokes playing netball, but then one of them pointed out the netball court was the best place in the world to pick up chicks, and I really can't argue with logic like that. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away The rest of the world? Does that include the French...? Date Added: 08/09/2005
Lee Carlon lol
Erm, usually.
I'm must have been down under for too long, my initial response was, typical bloody Pom! :) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away I can't help it - I am a pom! :D Date Added: 08/09/2005
melly I knew that someone would mention Canada eventually and then I would come barging in. Smoke up all you want, marry anyone you want, and freeze your butt off :) That's our offer and we're sticking to it. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Marti Thank you for making me smile this morning, Clive. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away In all my time in chat, Melly, I never met a "bad" Canadian. Is there something in the frozen air up there that prevents anyone having the energy to get up to mischief? ;) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away Entirely my pleasure, Marti. If it made you smile, then I am well satisfied. :) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Mad I've long pondered the absence of nasty Canadians Dad and I've come to the conclusion they drown them at birth; or maybe segregate them somewhere in the frozen forests of the North. I wonder what Vanessa says about that – and Melly of course. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away That should be most interesting, Mad. Date Added: 08/09/2005
melly Oh, my. I'm not sure if I should take it as a compliment or as a... an indicator to lack of character ;) But being Canadian, I will of course take it as the former, because otherwise it wouldn't be nice. And nice is what we're all about :) And Mad, I must say, you always make laugh. Now I'm going to read your new post Gone, and I'll try to be as mischevious as my Canadian genes would let me in the comments. Date Added: 08/09/2005
Gone Away Ain't she nice? ;) Date Added: 08/09/2005
Mad Awww so nice! Date Added: 08/09/2005
Guvnor i have to say what a fantastic and amusing post. and not a bad idea eiter :) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Gone Away Thank you Guvnor! Who knows, it might happen one day... ;) Date Added: 12/09/2005
Like I'm going to tell the internet my name.... I don't see why you have such a big hang-up about the metric system... It's much easier to use and to be honest with you I think reverting to the imperial system would be a massive mistake. Every British person under 25 (more or less) has been educated solely in metric (I'm 22 and I have no idea how much a gallon is), switching back would be incredibly expensive. The whole "imperial" measurement thing is only an issue with older-generations now. I really think that ship has already sailed. Date Added: 07/04/2006
Gone Away I would not dispute that the ship has sailed, anonymous one, but that doesn't make it right. The fact is that the old imperial measures were based on everyday things that we all have access to. If I were to ask where the metre comes from, for instance, you'd have to tell me that there's a metal bar kept under lock and key in Paris that is exactly one metre long. Great, that's really practical, isn't it?
So you don't know how much a gallon is? Well, that's only fair, seeing that I don't know how much a litre is. ;) It's all a matter of education and the old measures will die in time, I agree. But permit me, at least, to mourn their passing and to celebrate the fact that they are alive and well in the States! Date Added: 07/04/2006
Peter Dow Alternative suggestion of an English-speaking Commonwealth. But before that, just to reply to the comment that "Scotland and Wales have been straining to get away from the Union for some time" Can I make it clear that as a British and a Scottish patriot - and a republican - that although I wish Scotland to leave the UK - it is the KINGDOM (NOT A reformed BRITISH UNION) that I want to get away from. I want Scotland to get independence from Queen Elizabeth and the rest of the Windsors. We need a president of a Scottish republic - and I'd welcome a president of a British republic too - but we Scots are not going to put up with Queen Elizabeth, King Charles, William, Anne or any of that lot FAILING TO DEFEND OUR BASIC FREEDOMS - like free speech and the right to protest. ------ OK Now the quote about an English speaking commonwealth --------- Text from a page on my Scottish National Standard Bearer website - Gleneagles G8 could have been so different! Imagine - Condoleezza Rice versus Queen Elizabeth Alternative Gleneagles G8 group photograph. Imagine presiding as elected head of the Commonwealth of English-speaking countries, maybe Condoleezza Rice. I've air-brushed out Elizabeth Windsor and also her husband Philip. I've pasted in Colin Fox MSP arbitrarily as I've no idea who would've represented the Gleneagles G8 protestors and lobbyists. Here's another fantasy politics scenario to consider. Imagine if the welcome dinner at Gleneagles had been hosted by Condoleezza Rice instead of by that menace Queen Elizabeth! Then we'd be fully on course in the war on terrorism, making poverty history, tackling disease pandemics and so on. Condi is way too diplomatic to suggest that the Queen be sent packing to make way for someone like herself who is really up to the job of world leadership. The Queen was hosting the Gleneagles dinner as the (royalist fascist) head of state of the UK. President of Britain is too small a job for Condi to do and inappropriate anyway as she is an American rather than a Briton. However, the Queen is the (royalist fascist) head of the Commonwealth too and I can imagine a circumstance where Condi could have presided at Gleneagles as the elected head of a properly democratised Commonwealth. How? For example, if there were to be instituted regular elections to the position of head of the Commonwealth instead of us just being stuck with the Queen, only then would it make some sense for countries like the U.S.A. and the Republic of Ireland to join the Commonwealth and we could then foresee a meaningful organisational unity of the entire English-speaking world! Anyway, the Americans have got first call on Condi and they might be wanting her for their next President but anyway the Commonwealth should oust the Queen, as a matter of democratic principle. Condoleezza Rice, left, India's Minister of Foreign Affairs K. Natwar Singh, center, and White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card, share a light moment as they wait for President Bush and Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to hold a joint press conference, Monday, July 18, 2005, in the East Room at the White House. We should introduce regular elections for head of the Commonwealth. Then we'd have a procedure in place to nominate someone like Condi for election to that post soonest. The Americans should not rush to join the Commonwealth Only if the Commonwealth is properly democratised, should the Americans bother joining it. We do need a country like the USA to keep flying the flag for uncompromising republicanism in the English-speaking world. I don't like to see for one minute an American President having to accept second place to a monarch, as apparently was the case at the reception dinner at Gleneagles. Date Added: 22/04/2006
Peter Dow I'd also like to mention that this blog page was recommended to me on Rice for President Yahoo Group. (Click on my name to get to it.) Date Added: 22/04/2006
John Healy See the following links: I think it's a great idea! http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/actionnetwork/G1772?s_view=responses and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/51st_state Date Added: 04/01/2008
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