The Centennial Blog 03/05/2005 I knew this would happen. There is a certain inevitability about it that is all me. So I get to the 100th post on this blog and suddenly I have nothing to say.Oh, Mad and I had gloriously grandiose schemes for this day and, as you can see, he fulfilled his part of the bargain by producing the majestic fanfare of the header up there. And I was going to produce the post to end all posts, an amazing performance of brilliant bloggery to astound and captivate all those who stumble unwittingly into this dubious corner of the internet.As a part of the panoply of pyrotechnics planned for today, I was going to make progress on the Yffi novel and present it as a taster. Did I mention inevitability? I could even mutter the words "kiss of death", as I reflect on how the mere re-reading of what I have so far has made me doubt that I'm starting in the right place; more thought is required on this.I thought then that perhaps I could get away with writing a short story, knowing that I have a couple waiting to be written. Both are far too long to be written in a day, which was all that was left to me by that time, but the hope remained that I might be saved this morning by the unexpected arrival of a shorter tale from nowhere, as has happened so often in the past. The morning has arrived and brought with it a vast desert of no inspiration. So much for that theory.In desperation, I toyed with the idea of writing a post about a post, a clever subterfuge of producing something from nothing, a creature that endlessly devours itself for sustenance. Yes, a grand celebration of the blog itself, looking back upon past glories and trumpeting triumphs of the art of blogging.This brought forth the memory that the only triumph I can lay claim to is the post that scored my highest ever number of comments, a little whimsy called Slay, and how that post is amongst the least deserving to be honored in such a way. For a moment I was heartened by the fact that the record has been equaled recently by a far better post, the much-disputed The Absolute Truth. But I could not get away with avoiding mention of its compatriot in achievement; someone would be bound to notice and point out my devious omission.These were the gloomy thoughts that occupied my mind as I wandered disconsolately through my rounds of the blogs this morning. The pressure remained, the knowledge that Mad stood poised to insert the valiant new header the moment I posted, and myself with nothing to post even at this late hour.And then it happened. As I entered the wondrous world of Sarcasmo and saw that she had completed yet another of these strange meme things that float from blog to blog, a terrible thought appeared in the distance, like some spark of light in the utter darkness of my despair. I pushed it away as unthinkable and read on. But the idea had been born and, as I perused Sarcasmo's elegant answers to the questions, I realized that here, at the last moment, I had the answer. I could do this meme; it was unusually intelligent and offered scope for some outrageous dreaming. And it could be my tribute to the blogosphere, my grudging bow at last to the world that has given me an outlet for my preposterous ponderings. Just this once, I could own myself a part of the blogging scene after all.And so, my much-abused readers, I present to you today on the occasion of my 100th post, a complete departure from all things Gone Away: a meme, no less. Normal service will be resumed with post 101, I promise.In the words of the supreme Sarcasmo, "according to the rules, now that I'm ‘it' I have to continue the meme, and then make others ‘it'. The meme is to pick five of the professions below and finish the sentence."Like Sarcasmo, I choose not to follow the rules and I shall not tag anyone (after all, this is hoped to be a brief exception, not to be continued). You may participate if you wish; far be it from me to attempt to deny the more usual pleasures of the blogosphere to anyone. Please also feel free to let us know if you blog the result or use the comments system to grace us with your answers.* If I could be a scientist...* If I could be a farmer...* If I could be a musician...* If I could be a doctor...* If I could be a painter... I'd paint the picture that stopped me painting forever. It stopped me because I knew I did not have the technique to paint it exactly as I saw it in my mind. And I was not prepared to invest twenty years in acquiring that technique merely to paint one picture. Yet it was a picture that said all I wanted to say at the time. It was of a man standing and looking at himself in a mirror. Imagine a line drawn up and over him along his exact centerline and continuing to divide the mirror and his reflection and all that can be seen into two halves. On this side of the line it is bright daylight, on the other, a moonlit night. We are looking at the scene from just behind the man so that we can see his back but also see his face in the mirror. And we are in a room, for the daylight side is an interior view, whereas the night side shows a view of the countryside. The man is half in daylight, half in moonlight, half inside and half outside. Hopefully, you can picture that. I can, but I know that I cannot paint it with anything like the stark, photographic realism that it requires. Only a Dutch master or Salvador Dali could do that. As to what it means, well, I'm going to let you guess at it. I have only a vague grasp of the meaning myself...* If I could be a gardener...* If I could be a missionary...* If I could be a chef...* If I could be an architect...* If I could be a linguist... I'd know all the most delicious German swear words and use them copiously whenever I knew that the listener had not a word of German. Oh no, wait a minute, German sounds like swearing anyway, doesn't it? Well, in that case, I'd be fluent in Afrikaans, knowing that only a tiny proportion of the world's population could understand me. And I'd speak the bushman language that consists entirely of clicks, merely to show off my ability to produce such sounds. Then I'd speak American English with a perfect Oklahoman accent, the better to merge into the background in my present circumstances (this is important to a chameleon, you understand). In fact, I'd choose to be a perfect imitator of accents so that I could be unseen wherever I went. Most especially, I'd be able to speak the dialect of the Black Country of the Midlands of England. Because it's rich and sounds like you're singing, that's why.* If I could be a psychologist...* If I could be a librarian...* If I could be a lawyer... I'd retire. Well, someone has to make the world a better place...* If I could be an inn-keeper...* If I could be an athlete...* If I could be a professor...* If I could be a writer... I'd have all my great books behind me (there'd be, let's see now, yes, about ten of them at present estimate, each would have sold a million, of course, and movie producers would be flocking to my door to buy the rights). And, having made my fortune, I'd be able to spend my days in writing history, the history that no-one would ever read because no-one reads history. Especially when it's of a world that doesn't exist...* If I could be a llama rider...* If I could be a bonnie pirate...* If I could be an astronaut...* If I could be a world famous blogger... I'd never, ever do a meme.* If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...* If I could be married to any current famous political figure...* If I could be a dog trainer...
Clive
Mad Happy centenary Gone Away blog! I think we've come a way with this blog... I look forward to the next 100 posts Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away Yeah, happy Centenary, Gone Away blog! But please, just for a day or two, let's not even think about the next 100... Date Added: 03/05/2005
Sarcasmo Happy Centenary, indeed. And may I say, although you claim to lack the technical ability to paint - you're quite an artist with words. Date Added: 03/05/2005
Harvey Young Happy 100th post. This demonstrates your consistency and the fact that you have so much of value to say. Those that read your blog appreciate the fact tha tyou are here and that you remain faithful to form. If I could be a friend... I would always look out for best interest of those that I befriend. I would uplift when they are down and pull down when they become too puffed up. I would delight in their successes, weep with their failures and always cheer as they cross the finishing line. I would listen without distraction and never judge. I would be a light to their life and a joy to be around. I would be able to see right through my friends, and yet still always enjoy the view. All of this I would be if I would be a friend. Congratulations Gone. And here is to many hundreds more! Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Sarcasmo, you are too kind. :) And let me say what an honor it is to have your presence grace my comments system. Now I can say I've really made it! Date Added: 03/05/2005
Ned If I could be a painter...I would paint every scene that ever stopped my heart. I would paint the ocean so cold it would leave me breathless. I would paint the sunset streaked with every red and purple emotion of the day it was taking leave of. I would paint even the black emotions, and keep them captive on the wall. I would capture what words cannot express. If I could be a linguist...I would speak Spanish, French and oooohhh, Italian fluently. I would study Russian. I would learn every language necessary to read classic works in their original languages including Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic so I could read the Bible without translation arguments or concerns. If I could be a psychologist... I would understand myself, and be frightened. If I could be a athelete... I would be a runner. Short distances, long distances, doesn't matter. I remember running, it was freedom. If I could be a writer... I would give up poetry. I would do something important. Nah, I wouldn't, I would produce the same slop I do now. But... If I could be a world famous blogger... I could rant all I liked, and people would listen. ;) (but I would never do a meme) Okay, so that's six. But there wasn't a if I could be a mathmetician... choice. Date Added: 03/05/2005
Mad It's funny how alike we are sometimes dad. I stopped painting minatures when what I wanted to paint reached the limit of what I could actually achieve. I had got to the point where I was using single haired brushes to do the eyes. The last minature was never finished, I started it and knew I could never finish it how it should've been... Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Harvey. And what a tribute to friendship! Once again I am honored by such an excellent comment. :) Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away A powerful set of answers, Ned, and written with the passion and verve of a true poet! But you remind me of the languages that I forgot to mention - Anglo Saxon, Greek and perhaps Idelandic... Date Added: 03/05/2005
Sarcasmo That's what I like about you British fellows; so charming! Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away I think it's a fairly common phenomenon, Mad. I knew a guy once who was into making model ships but weathering them so they looked used. He showed me the one he was working on at the time - it was about half complete. And he'd been working on it for about ten years! He said he didn't think he'd ever finish it - he demanded too much realism... As we get into any art or craft, we learn and struggle to achieve mastery of what we are learning. As we reach greater understanding, our sights get set higher until, at last, we can no longer hope ever to reach such heights. At that point, the bottom falls out! Such is perfectionism. ;) Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away That's what I like about you American ladies; so easy to charm! ;) Date Added: 03/05/2005
erin It's the accent.. Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away I think so too, Erin. LOL Date Added: 03/05/2005
Way If I could be quiet...I would give it a try. Happy one hundreth, Gone. Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away Thanks, Way. :) Date Added: 03/05/2005
Jodie Ned, one thing I've learned in life is "Never say never." Ever. Gone, all your posts are brilliant examples of bloggery. So there. If I could be a dog trainer, my carpet would be much, much cleaner. :D Date Added: 03/05/2005
keeefer If i were a Chef......id have baked a cake for this momentous ocassion......admittedly we are all seperated by vast distances so i would have had to eat it all mysef....hmmmm......If i were a fat inn keeper......I would offer free drinks tto mark this momentous ocassion....but again we are all miles apart...hmmmmm....If i was a drunk, fat athelete....I would curse you for ruining my life with this damn post *shakes fist in the air* Curse you Gone away and your one hundred posts Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Jodie, and LOL at the dog trainer. :D Date Added: 03/05/2005
Gone Away And as for you, Keef, what can I say but ROFLOL? Date Added: 03/05/2005
Jodie Don't worry, keeef...we'll get there too! Date Added: 04/05/2005
The Complimenting Commenter Thanks for stopping by my site earlier. Congratulations on reaching such a great milestone. Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away I have received a visit from the Complimenting Commenter! (actually I knew it would happen - I blotted his/her copybook a couple of days ago) But I would urge people to visit his/her blog (just click on the name up there) - 'tis an excellent project and may well improve the blogosphere for everyone. Oh, and thank you, Commenter, I appreciate your good wishes. :) Date Added: 04/05/2005
Josh Happy ahunnert, Gone. . . And many more carriage returns. Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away Thankee kindly, sir. :) Date Added: 04/05/2005
keeefer Yes well done Gone! All joking aside it is good to see you finally have a medium for your prodigous talent. Bring on the 200 we will have a party...actually bring on 101 then we can have a dalmation party....you bring the dalmations and i'll supply the cheese whizz dip Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away Thanks, Keef. LOL Date Added: 04/05/2005
emma_furlong Congratulations Gone. Well done, all your blogs have been brilliant, if not, I would have told you so. If I could be on the stage, I would have a standing ovation and be a big show off as well. If I could afford to be a philanthropist I would be one. If I could save the world from my computer I would give up being a social worker and become a social butterfly. Oh wait, I think I might be one of those already. I leave you to contemplate a blog on these words In a world of fugitives the person taking the opposite direction will appear to run away, Glenni (wink wink) btw, what is that, about leaving my url nobody ever finds their way to it. Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Glenni. :) And what a philosophical subject to contemplate - "In a world of fugitives the person taking the opposite direction will appear to run away". I'll have to think about that one. :> But the point about leaving the URL is that it's a temptation; just a few might become curious... ;) Date Added: 04/05/2005
Ned Glen is of course a star (and a show off but so cute) and a philanthropist in that she gives something much more precious than money: her time, her kindness and her understanding. If she could be a philospher we would all be more confused than we are now, but it is a minor point. I think people should wander over and pay her a visit. And I forgot to mention this before, congratulations on the 100th blog post, Gone. Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away Thanks, Ned. :) Glenni is indeed a star and those who don't have a look at her blog are missing more than they know. Date Added: 04/05/2005
Ned Okay, when I got here this morning and saw the new banner (nifty banner btw Mad) and the 100th post being celebrated I was expecting... well, a celebration. I mean, I figured there was gonna be a party you know, like some beer, chips and dip, that kinda thing. I have been looking all day and I thought at least, Sir Way would arrive with the beer. But nada. What kinda party is this anyway? C'mon people. 100 posts. Do you know how old that is in blog years? Date Added: 04/05/2005
Gone Away .oO(Ancient, I calls it...) Date Added: 04/05/2005
Way . o O (And I used to drink Red Dog, so how old am I?) Date Added: 04/05/2005
Ned .oO(old enough to have forgotten?...) Date Added: 04/05/2005
keeefer Bloody hell its akin to visiting an old peoples home....all i need is the virtual smell of pee & lavender, Way to wave his cane around, Ned to attempt to pinch Glennis butt as she walks by and Gone to be found crawling behind the sofa looking for his false teeth. What a Tableaux that would make Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away .oO(Young whippersnapper. Just for that I won't tell him that Ned's female...) Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer Doh! Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer Oh i forgot!, spoke to Mad last night. Congrats on Oaky Homer. Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away You mean the newspaper? Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer i do indeed. Im sure it will be a success. In fact they will soon realise that they can capitalise on your accent and rope you into being the Voice on the ansaphone. Before you know it you will have your own 0898 number (or whatever it is in the states) and you will find yourself saying choice phrases such as ' Excuse me Madam, would you dip my nib'. The whole of Americas intellectual housewives will be wasting millions phoning to hear your recorded dialogues and you will replace benny hill as Americas vision of english comedy.....Such greatness awaits you in the land of the free ;) Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Keef, has anyone ever told you that you have an overactive imagination? LOL It's just a weekly column for crying out loud! :D But thanks for the congrats. ;) Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer Yeah my minds working oddly at the moment....possibly not enough alcohol to surpress it.....or its missing interaction from people whose idea of a good time isnt driving a 6 litre automatic car as fast as possible through residential areas.....bless em. Aussie males, i have noticed, even at 50+ yrs old, will buy a rust bucket car for its engine size, then procede to spend thousands of dollars on the shiniest chrome wheels they can get and then drive around at break neck speed thinking they look cool.......I have taken to pointing and laughing....Saara has taken to dragging me away quickly before a fight ensues Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Hmmm, sense of self preservation still not too well developed, I see. :> Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer pffftttt im indestructable Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Which is why you end up in hospital so often, of course... ;) Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer Hey my heads broken some of the worlds finest concrete Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away I know, Keef, I know! Date Added: 05/05/2005
keeefer Anyway enough of telling you how good you are. Congratulate me on Part 11 instead Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Okayyyyy! Date Added: 05/05/2005
prying1 Next time you find you have bloggers block just whip the hamster! Congrats on 100th... Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away The hamster went on strike, Paul! Thanks for congrats however. :) Date Added: 05/05/2005
glenniah If I were a writer, I would write, oh yes I would write morning noon and night. I would not work for world peace that belongs to Miss Universe and btw she hasnt achieved it as yet. I would however work towards Social Justice for everyone. I would send the displaced persons home to their own country, (except maybe for you Gone.) Those who are trapped under an alien sky, hearts forever broken, spirits disembodied, aliens longing for home be it, Ireland, Bosnia, Africa. Gone, you can be my advertising agent anytime. Ned, bowing and sycophanting works well, pinches are fine if you are Italian and wanna share with Fred. Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Some fine sentiments there, Glenni. And it will be an honor to serve as your advertising agent! :D Date Added: 05/05/2005
Ned Fred doesn't like me, Dave is indifferent. I think I will leave all the bottoms to the Italian on the train and Fred. Date Added: 05/05/2005
Jodie What's this about a newspaper? And darn, I missed out on the pinching! Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away A local newspaper editor stumbled upon my site, Jodie, and has given me a weekly column as a result - sorta "an Englishman's view of Oklahoma". And I'll see if Keef has any pinches left for you! ;) Date Added: 05/05/2005
easywriter Three Cheers For Gone Away. May you have many more hundreds of posts ahead of you. I love reading. Gone to toast! Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away Thank you, Easy. :) Date Added: 05/05/2005
Jodie Will you give us some links to your newspaper work, or publish them here? :) I hope so! Date Added: 05/05/2005
Gone Away A little secret, Jodie: they're slightly edited versions of the Journal from this blog! ;) It's the Comanche County Chronicle if you want to have a look. Date Added: 05/05/2005
prying1 Ok, I checked the link to the paper and could not see any articles by you. I will admit I did not check the obits. - Doesn't the editor realise he has the only English version of Will Rogers he will ever see. The world will beat a path to the paper's website if he gets your articles posted in a timely fashion. Let him know for me that I demand you get top billing and he give you a raise too. Date Added: 09/05/2005
Gone Away I think it's a bit early yet for any articles to show up, Paul. As far as I know (haven't received my copy yet) the first article went in last Thursday. And then it all depends how frequently they update the website. But thanks for the kind thoughts. :) Date Added: 09/05/2005
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